Mum has Stage 4 Breast Cancer and I'm really struggling

Hi everyone, 

So my mum a few days after boxing day got the unfortunate news that she has cancer. She had thyroid cancer in 2016, which was operated on (she had the thyroid removed) and we thought that was the end of it all. Now she's got stage 4 breast cancer in her breast, ribs, spine, shoulder and arm. There's uncertainty if her cancer is even treatable, we won't know until her spinal biopsy is back. 

I'm 23 years old and I just am at a complete loss. Your 20s are hard enough as it is with you trying to navigate your place in the world, and I just never pictured growing up or a future without my mum being part of it. I'm scared she won't be here for all the milestones...weddings, grandchildren, big birthdays...I know i'm so lucky to even have a mum, as so many lose theirs, but my mum and I are like twin double. two peas in a pod. she is, as cliche as it is, well and truly my best friend. Every up, down, celebration or downfall, she is my go-to. She has helped me with my mental health all throughout my life (suffering with general anxiety disorder and moderate depression), so I just can't bare the idea that she might eventually not be here. I know everyone goes eventually, but she deserves so much more than she will be given. 

Looking for some words of comfort in a time where all I can do is cry. Feel like my best friend and boyfriend are starting to feel a bit helpless at what to do. 

Please keep my mum in your thoughts and prayers. I know I wish on every two magpies that we'll get some good news.

- Charlotte

  •  

    Hi Charlotte,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis and can understand the worry that this is causing you. It seems as if it is now your turn to be "a rock" for your mum. Getting a cancer diagnosis at any stage of life is a tragedy, but getting two is a travesty. Your mum will be experiencing all sorts of emotions at the moment and may be finding it extremely hard to accept her lot in life. Give her as much love and support as you can. Talk to her about how she is feeling. Try to be realistic but put a positive slant on things, to give her some hope.

    Make whatever memories you can as a family. I lost my mum in similar circumstances 25 years ago. She developed secondary breast cancer, which spread to her liver, lungs, brain and bone. Thirteen years ago, I developed breast cancer. The following year I had a second bout, but I am now keeping busy and leading a fulfilling life. Cancer treatments have advanced so much throughout the years. There is just no comparison between the diagnosis, treatment and aftercare that mum & I have had.

    I sincerely hope that your mum can still have more treatment. When is she due to get the results of her biopsy?

    This is a hard journey for anyone. All I can say is that you will find the strength to cope with whatever you have to deal with.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how she gets on. We are always here for both of you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Hiya Jolamine, 

    Thanks for you reply and welcome to the forum, and even more thanks for your words of support. 

    She had her biopsy yesterday, and was told it would be 3 weeks before they know. She's been put on some tablets (letrozole) in the meantime, so the fact a ball has began rolling (even if it is slowly) is reassuring. 

    I will definitely keep you posted with how she gets on - every toe, finger and limb remains crossed that it's all good news. my only positive news in the meantime is the announcement that a cancer vaccine could be trialed in the UK this autumn. I really hope it does, seems like a step in the right direction! 

    Kindest regards,

    Charlotte x

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    Hi Charlotte,

    This will be a very anxious three week wait. I'm glad to hear that your mum has already started on Letrozole. This must mean that she is responsive to hormone therapy, which is good news.

    I've got everything crossed for you and I'll even throw a few prayers into the mix!

    Kind regards,
    Jolamine xx