Hi Katie,

I just read your post and couldn't not respond to you. What a lot you've had to cope with on your own, poor thing. I totally get it regarding your dogs as I too have two rescues and they would be my first thought but I'm sure there will be help available with them if you reach out. A dog walker could be a solution if you need it. 

So, obviously there's something going on inside as you have symptoms that are not normal but not necessarily cancer. My aunt suffered similar symptoms and it turned out to be a huge ovarian cyst, one may have burst? Easier said than done but try not to worry, at least you will be getting sorted which is most important. 

The anxiety you're feeling about surgery, post op complications is being heightened by your fear of the unknown. You're overwhelmingly likely to be fine both during and after an operation assuming you need one. Sounds like you have a good neighbour who I'm sure will be willing to look out for you if needed. Might I suggest you speak to your GP and get something for the anxiety? I have after having BC in 2021 and it was the best thing Ive done to help myself. Sometimes these feelings can be overwhelming. 

If you need a chat, there are plenty of us on here who understand exactly how you're feeling so please reach out.

Big hugs 

Jane xx

Oh Jane, your beautiful reply is making me cry because I feel your empathy so deeply!! I feel so much better after reading what you wrote. I did actually think of an ovarian cyst. The blood test was done at the height of my jabbing excrutiating pain. Ironically, since a day or two after the blood test the pain has gradually but definitely diminished, if not gone away. However, this bleeding today is new. I don't know if I would still have pain and indeed discharge/bleeding, a month after a burst cyst? However, this has given me some hope after hearing about your aunt. I know it may still mean surgery but at least if it's not cancer, I would be so grateful for that. I have asked since 1988 when my first couple of smear tests couldn't be successfully completed, for someone to give me something for my anxiety pre-smear test but not one medic has ever in all these years agreed to this. Wouldn't you think in over 30 years things would have advanced somewhat?!! I was given something to help me get through extensive dental work, around the same time. Yet when it's "women's things", don't they care? 

My dog problem is that one of them has separation anxiety and cannot be left alone at home. So they will have to go to someone else if I am in hospital. I do have someone in mind (the couple who run the charity I adopted them from) but he is over 80, although fit, and she is due surgery herself for a new hip. So timing is really not good but I'm sure she will be able to find me a fosterer amongst the charity's supporters, if it comes to that - I live for my Girls and cannot imagine recuperating without them with me at home, but it's the hospitalisation that will be the main problem. 

My friend next door has been my rock during my mammogram health scare. They did a biopsy and found two suspect places and luckily BOTH turned out to be benign! Then a month later, all this hits me instead! Margaret is a blessing to me but I am not going to put upon her just yet, until I get through tomorrow and find out where this is going and what it is. I may need her more than ever after tomorrow, rather than during tomorrow. She is a balanced sensible lady with a practical manner and a lot of caring warmth, who herself had a hysterectomy over thirty years ago (for fibroids) so will be able to help me deal with the practicalities, although she is no stranger to surgery so doesn't have the same fear of the unknown as I do. 

Ironically I am less of a basket case at the moment than I was over the mammogram issue. Maybe because this time I have symptoms, so I know that something is definitely wrong and needs sorting out somehow. Last time I couldn't accept that there might be something wrong with me as I have NEVER been ill. Having gone through that false alarm I am maybe a little better equipped now to deal with this next bullet coming down the track at me. 

Thank you for your lovely words and I will update when I can after tomorrow. Not sure when I will know anything. 

Hi Maite,

How did you get on today? I've been thinking of you. 

Jane xx

Awww Jane thank you so much.

Well I know what it ISN'T which has to be a positive thing! The sonologist managed to do a successful ultrasound and said that there is nothing showing wrong with my ovaries and I think she said my womb but it might have been cervix...I was so stunned and ecstatic that my ovaries were clear (despite that being where the pain is) that I didn't pay too much attention to the second organ! but she is sending a report to my GP and I have to ring the GP sometime towards the back end of next week to see where we take it from here. Because I still have the discharge, had the bleeding last night for the first time, and the pain is still there after several weeks and no sign of it going away so far. 

She couldn't comment on what it is. Only, on what it isn't! Which in itself is one huge relief as it's ruled out one area of concern which the GP flagged up from this "raised ovarian marker" blood test result. The sonologist said that result can arise for as many as 200 different reasons! 

I will push for further tests when I speak with the GP as I know there is something not right inside me. And having got this far, I don't want to risk something being missed by delays in investigating. However, for now I have a few days' respite from worry as today's result was very positive for me. So I have dodged a second bullet in as many months (first one being the mammogram recall) and my lovely friend did come with me as by the time I got her voicemail late morning with her recommended taxi firm's phone number, I had finally started feeling positively jittery and when she offered again to come with me, I accepted.

We got there way too early. I sat from 4.30 until 5.10 (I was ten mins' late going in) with a very uncomfortable bladder but had taken paracetamol before drinking my one and a half pints, so chatting with Margaret helped keep my mind off my by then burning sore bladder. But I was out and done by 5.30! and didn't need to have the internal examination as my bladder was full enough for the ultrasound to show up clearly enough. 

So I know what it isn't but don't know what it is, basically. That's good news but I feel I mustn't let this drop because my symptoms are not normal. I am feeling more myself again for now, and getting more used to having to face tests and fear and worry. I suspect I may have more tests ahead but I can at least relax and enjoy the next few days.

My GP surgery is closed atm!!!! They sent everyone a message a coupole of weeks ago to say that due to the high prevalence of Strep A in the South West, there will be no face to face appointments until further notice, except for the most urgent of cases. So I figure my next step will be a phone discussion with the GP and her suggestion of what tests she wants to refer me for next. 

I don't know if my fallopian tubes might be the problem. I don't think that was viewed on the scan today. I assume that the sonographer's report to the GP will indicate what exactly she looked at and from there, presumably other organs can be considered. It might even be my bladder? 

I feel a lot better as one thing has been ruled out. I will stay here because I feel that I haven't reached the end of the road yet with all this. 

I know there is so much support on here and IF I find out I have malignancy in any specific area, there are people on here who will have gone through/be going through very similar. My lovely friend is a huge support as she isn't panicky or emotional but is able to "ground" me when I get like that. She is very empathetic however, and very caring. 

Ahh I'm sure you must be so relieved, I'm glad it's not your ovaries causing the issue and you're right, now you're on this treadmill, you must stay on it until you have the answers and hopefully the cure. Pleased your friend went with you, my bestie came with me and it made things so much easier, I didn't want anyone there who wasn't a coper as you can barely manage your own emotions never mind someone else's! 

So for now you can breathe a sigh of relief but do keep at it, you need to know.

Best wishes and hugs 

Jane xx

I am back. Things are progressing - alas. In a nutshell: I saw a (very nice) young GP last week and she went through my symptoms again. Which have altered since the pain issues in November. She referred me to a hospital which is now doing scans etc and diagnostics...bit less stressful than our horrible main hospital. I have a CT scan tomorrow. I have known about this fir a few days and trying not to freak out as I am on this treadmill now and dare not get off although I am absolutely DREADING the results from tomorrow. I will ask tomorrow when I will get the results but I don't want to know them!!!

I also will have to have a cannula in my hand or arm to inject dye. I have never in my life had this and all I can think about is the awful bruising the Queen had on her hands in her last days, and I can't face going to work with a purple hand as I haven't yet told anyone at work about these tests except my manager. I also cannot eat for four hours and as my last food will have to be 8am due to being at work 9-1, I will be absolutely famished by 3.30pm when the CT scan is to be done. I also have to drink the dreaded pint of water which means my bladder will be burning by the time they are *** the scan. My pain has altered and is barely noticeable now except that every so often when I move, twist etc the little tiny stab of pain happens. Almost like I am tearing something. This usually happens when I've been active at work lifting stuff, and also if I get into the car and twist, or when I've been driving for a while and then get out of the car. And yet oddly enough I can dance a whole ballet class (I go weekly to Silver Swans) without any pain or any bleeding during or straight after. The sonologist did say my womb lining was very thin so maybe I have indeed torn something. I can only hope!

Then with the little pricky pain comes the period. It's like having a mini-period almost every day now. I have near-constant slight staining but the mini-period is a discharge of a small amount of blood and tends to happen late afternoon/evening and almost never earlier in the day. I am changing my pad four times a day now instead of three - not because it's soaked but because I am worried about infection if I wear a stained pad for too long. If it weren't for the blood I would almost believe I have nothing wrong! but this is new since about three weeks ago and is getting worse (ie, almost every day now and definite blood) not better.

I am terrified of being told in a day or two that the results show I need surgery as I am not ready for this....I don't know where my girls are going to go, I am terrified I will be the one in ten million who dies under anaesthetic, and I am scared of how I will manage at home after surgery. So am considering booking myself into a dogfriendly B&B where they will cook my meals and there will be someone on the premises 2/7 in case I start to bleed during the night as I doubt the ambulance service is going to be there for me if I need it. And this is all assuming the worst case but the GP who keeps writing the texts to me with results etc isn't exactly a barrel of fun. I had another blood test last Friday to see if the first one was a false positive. Alas it was not, but the GP messaged me yesterday and it gave me a tiny bit of positivity (she didn't! - her tone is still very negative - but the result did) - the nice GP last week said that my CA125 was 129 and ought to be less than 35. The result of Friday's blood test was 68 which the GP said is stll high but is lower than the 108 of the first test. So there's discrepancy there over what my test result was the first time?? Anyway, 68 made me happy as the reduction correlates with the lessening pain (I was having the very sharp stabbing excrutiating pain in bouts when I went for the first blood test) but doesn't explain the increasing blood loss. I am very fearful that whilst this might not be cancer, it might be something that still necessitates surgery.

Sorry this is solong and rambling but thank you for reading this far if you have been able to! I will update tomorrow or shortly after, if I can. I feel absolutely traumatised because this cannot be happening to me! I've never been ill! I've even been googling wigs!!!!! because I decided that IF it's cancer and I have to have chemo, I am going to treat myself to a natural looking wig. I have to do these things to try to boost my positivity because otherwise I would crawl into a hole and not come out! I am even trying to think of the post-op time in hospital and once I've come round, the books I will have time to read and thinking that I will enjoy having meals provided for me and not having to decide what to cook every day! However, this also comes with the disadvantage of being separated from my girls for a few days and my girls are my family....and I might not even be able to have them back when I get home as I might not be allowed to walk them in case the big one pulls me...which is another reason why I am contemplating staying elsewhere for a couple of weeks, with them, and someone to walk them.

I just want to hop over the next stages of procedure and end up with it all behind me without having had to go through the fear and tests coming in the immediate future. I have no idea of the time scale of surgery if this is necessary...I haven't even dared get too much shopping in in case they whip me in over the next few days. 

Thank you...I am feeling a bit more positive and slightly more relaxed atm. I have today found two very good reasons why I must NOT be ill, as in, needing surgery etc. A former client who is now in a Care Home and I visited her for the first time today and I need to visit regularly now that I have started - she was thrilled to see me and I don't want to be out of action for weeks or months and not be able to go again any time soon. And a neighbour who needs my support with something and needs my shoulder as much as I need a shoulder...if I'm in hospital I cannot physically give her the support she is going to need over the coming weeks. Therefore I am sending very positive thoughts to my body that this is NOT anything serious, because I need to get on with life and not let this health setback fell me. I will get through tomorrow and I will pray for a good result or even an inconclusive one would be good right now...and if the results are not good I will have to take it on the chin and likewise get on with life, and this is where you guys will really come in as my support and reassurance. 

The CT scan went fine. I wasn't happy about the port thingy sticking out of my arm for ten mins after but I didn't even look at it. The good news I took away is that I asked the radiologists (?) what the time scale for results would be, and he said "about two weeks - unless you are dying." I was sooo relieved! I said, well I don't think I'm dying!

This means that I can have maybe a week or even a bit more, without having to think about anything creating a life-changing situation for me. So I can pretend to be normal for the next week or so! I am seriously wondering if this is something like tears in my endometrium as the first scan did show that I have a "very thin endometrium" and the pain is now almost non-existent and if it weren't for the fact that I am still discharging and indeed having what I call a "mini-period" almost every day and strangely enough almost always only in the late afternoon or evening (it's like the first day of a period and when it's bled a little bit it reverts to just the discharge within an hour or so) I would almost think there were nothing wrong at all in there. But I've got into this one-way journey now and I can't cut it off at this stage because of the discharge and spotting. 

I have no idea how my results will come but I plan to ask my lovely friend to come with me if it's in-person. The main GP at my surgery is the one who keeps texting my results and my friend says she is a "cold fish" (I don't know if I've met her but my friend has seen her) and this GP is the one who bluntly messaged me that there was a possibility of cancer because I had a high ovarian marker, and when the marker was reduced by quite a bit at the second blood test, she didn't exactly indicate that this might be something positive to hang onto but instead said "it is still high". I can get through every day a lot better if I stay positive and believe that this cannot be happening to me and REALLY believe that. Somebody negative (even if it might be the truth) is not the right person for me, as it only makes me very negative and then I am a basket case. If it turns out to be bad news, I want to deal with that at the time and not weeks in advance when they don't know what it is but are implying to me it could be the worst case scenario instead of giving me a little bit of hope that it might not be anything bad after all. 

Anyway - I am good right now because I have a week or two respite from having to face this. That might sound strange but that's the only way I can deal right now with something that has never happened to me in 62 years of life...I've never had anything wrong with me worse than bad colds and one bout of chickenpox agesd 28!