Not being told anthing

My mother went for a scan 3 weeks ago where they found two tumours, one in her ovaries and one in her bowel, and also shadowing on her lungs and her liver. 
 

her partner has been updating myself and my sister daily since. The consultants at the hospital had a meeting last week and she was admitted into hospital to an admissions ward on Monday morning this week, she had blood tests taken and another scan. And she has now been moved to a surgical ward. 
 

these are the only updates we have had. No "the doctors have said this and that" I've not heard a single thing that a doctor has told them and then been passed onto us. Which is extremely difficult and frustrating, to the point where it's causing arguments between me and my sister, as I keep pushing for information and she is saying they don't know anything. 
 

im at the point now where I just think "well they must know something, but my mum doesn't want to say yet..." which I can understand if that is the case. But it doesn't make anything any easier. Everyone is just waiting and stressing out for some kind of diagnosis or word on what the plan is to treat her. 3 weeks and we just don't know what has been said. 
 

I feel like I need to just give everyone space, but it is so difficult as I am so concerned and worried. 
 

Communication with my mum is short if anything. Which I understand as she is going through all of this and very tired. I said I would try to come visit her in hospital some time soon and she told me to leave it for a while, to which I asked how long a while is and she told me she doesn't know. 
 

I just don't know how to be? I feel selfish even posting to this forum

  • Believe it or not, hospitals can be shocking at relaying messages to both the patient and family.

    My personal experience, my mother in law, over the course of 3 years was in and out of hospital with falls, weird turns etc, yet we only got told on one occasion what was actually wrong with her. It was bordering on the ridiculous. Even my MiL had no idea what was what. Communication was poor.

    My wife who has been treated for the last year for BC also came up against this when she was admitted to hospital. They'd mumble something or shrug their shoulders, 9/10 when you asked them something. Awful.

    Those experiences were from 3 different hospitals so it's safe to say it's probably bordering on the norm.

    So maybe your mum can't tell you anything because she may not know.

  • Yes it certainly is a possibility that she actually doesn't know anything herself. It's so difficult not knowing anything. I'm not an over thinker and I don't do stress. But these past few days and weeks have had me speculating absolutely everything and it is so tiring, and I'm sure I'm getting on everyone's nerves. I'm normally the most chilled and laid back person ever. But here I am being the most impatient person! 
     

    but on the other hand, I've had my uncle phoning me for updates/comparing information. And also my dad messaging me asking if I can see what the situation is (like I'm already not) and update him, and then him telling me to be patient  

  • Would the next of kin not be given the information if they contacted the medical secretary for the consultant in charge of the treatment to speak directly to the next of kin?

  • I tried phoning the hospital on Monday and spoke to the archives office or where ever and they said she hasn't put down a next of kin. So it's just her and her partner in the know just now, I guess I just need to respect that.