Can't sleep just crying looking at my daughter

It's so fustrating, I have moments I feel positive with you can do this attitude then it finds it's way in. 

The fear! 

I am currently on the 2 week wait for my Breast biopsy & aspiration samples, I have a week left to go. It's so hard to wait like this, I cleaned my windows today and as it's summer holiday's. I've made sure to be out each day with my children, 12 & 4. 

But i can't sleep which is odd as i am exhausted all day, you think id sleep! Now the tears have started, my daughter is fast asleep holding my arm with her little hand. I said the words to her...I am so sorry. 

I should of gone a year ago about my lump what a fool to think its a fibro cyst i know better than this! Im so disappointed in myself. 

I just want it to be Next Thursday now, put me out of my mysery. I'm scared but action or no action is better than waiting. 

 

  • Sorry your feeling this way but it is normal to be scared, I was.The waiting is the worse , once you know what your dealing with you will feel less afraid.

     If it is breast cancer there are so many new treatments, the prognosis is much better for the majority of people, try to take one day at a time xx

  • Hi Zwebby.

    I have 2 children 5 and 6, and I am waiting for my results appointment next Thursday too, I had 2 biopsies taken on Wednesday.

    As mum's we put things off, assume we are fine and try not to worry anyone. It's what we do. DO NOT beat yourself up about this, whatever happens. You have not done anything wrong, you aren't in control of what your body does.

    What did they say at your appointment? How are you feeling after your biopsy?

    I hope you have support and people you can talk to, the waiting is awful xxx

  • Hi Daisy_B

    Sorry for a late reply, I've had a couple of complication's since my biopsy ended up in A&E yesterday then at the hospital today. 

    Infection or inflammatory/injury by biopsy site, had a swollen arm,hand and chest wall. Been painful but happily sipping on a well deserved prosecco now lol

    I'm really sorry you are going threw the same wait, how are you doing? We are nearly there! 

    I've had my family keep me occupied with trips out which actually has been helpful, and my ex is currently staying with us to help me out. My 4 year old is not doing very well and reacting to mummy being in hospital, which in honest is really annoying me. I love her but I just want one afternoon of piece and she is having none of it. Trying to understand it's new and she has anxiety, but it's tough when your tired and hurting. She is on the spectrum same as her brother but she has been on one past week just running thin of patience. 

    I over heard the nurses at the hospital saying today 'has she had surgery?' The other 'no not yet' so I pretty much new today i will be getting some news Thursday that needs more procedures. 

    How are you feeling after your biopsy? Hope you are well as can be x x 

  • Thank you Minty69, I've realised looking at so many ladies stories that actually you are right. 

    Treatment's are so much better! It's given me some hope but I know I will have moment's of tears still ahead if it is breast cancer. You never think it will happen to you, but you alway's have a fear of it. I have waited since 16 for this to happen, I've never trusted my boobs always had problems with them. 

    How are you doing? X x 

  • Hi Zwebby, I'm so sorry to hear you've had complications since the biopsy. I'm.sure hospital was the last place you wanted to be while still in this limbo! I know you've overheard the nurses, but there's still no way to know what surgery they were referring to. I've got everything crossed for you for tomorrow.

    I was pretty uncomfortable for a good few days after my biopsy and I'm still uncomfortable, but my breast was hurting anyway so it could just be that! 

    My sister has been brilliant trying to keep me distracted, I've only told her and my husband, and one friend but that's only because I bumped into her unexpectedly and she said 'how are you' and that was enough to set me off! I've been trying my best to avoid other people.

    Your daughter is just reacting, understandably, but your need for an afternoon off is completely reasonable. I was like that yesterday, I just wanted to lay in bed in peace and quiet with my thoughts. No chance of that with the kids though :happy: to be fair, it keeps me distracted.

    Not long to go until we know one way or another, I am counting down the hours.

  • Hi Zwebby

    Yes you are right there will certainly be tears too, sorry you have been unwell already but try and take one day at a time.Hope you get some answers tomorrow, surgery is managable if needed.

    I'm Ok thanks on follow up hormone and targeted therapy now to prevent recurrqnce xx 

  • Hi Daisy_B

    I am just sat here thinking about you, how did your results go? I have everything crossed your okay, That's great your sister has been supporting you and don't worry about blurting it out emotionally to friend's. What you are going threw is something very emotional and I am sure they would react the same if it was them going threw this. It is not a nice process the waiting, but I hope your results are as positive as can be. 

    My Right mass was a Fibroadenoma of 11x5x10mm and very dense area of wiyh multiple cysts present, to be more breast aware as these can change. Sometimes they can shrink or sometimes they can grow. I burst out crying when the nurse told me, the relief but sadly I have to go back on the 15th for biopsies on the Left breast now they forgot all about that one and focused on my Right too much. 

    So I am slightly anxious again for the next 3 week's as this is what I did complain about hoping it's cysts in my nipple in honest. Never had so many lumps in my breast and i've alway's had lumpy breasts. I don't feel i trust myself to examine myself properly anymore and made a decision to let my GP keep an eye on Right breast as it's crazy in there how would i know if it changes?? 

     

    Sending a squeeze to you x x 

  • Hi Zwebby, I'm so relieved for you that your right boob has turned out to be something innocent. I'm sorry that they've now remembered you have two boobs and to check the other! Its good they are checking it, but it's a shame its more waiting for you. I've got everything crossed its the same as your right and it's all OK. As someone who also has lumpy boobs like yourself I do wonder myself how we are supposed to check what's a new lump, a hormonal change or something more important! I hope your GP will keep an eye on it for you.

    I'm afraid I don't have more news, just more waiting. I went back last week for results, but the pathology from the last biopsies was still inconclusive, still a 'grey area' so the doctor said, it's showing cell changes but they don't know what changes they are. 

    So unfortunately I have 2 'vacuum assisted' biopsies to look forward to this week. And on separate days! So I have one tomorrow and one Wednesday. Then it'll be a waiting game again for results.

    I'm actually feeling pretty chilled, I feel like I've used up all my worry waiting last week! I'm not looking forward to the biopsies really as these are more extensive and the last ones weren't great to be honest! But it must be be done.

    Thank you for your message, sending positive thoughts and hugs back at you x

  • My friend had breast cancer back in 1997 she's fine you wouldn't know that she had breast problems she's now 75 . Breast care has moved on since Janes operation so many new options available. 
    l hope you have good news and it's inflamed or infected as mine was, do make a list of anything that you would like to ask as we forget as soon as they start talking to us, l went to breast clinic recently and found most patients had relatives with them. The letter says no extras but they don't seem to mind. 
    take care 

    Susie