Hi Charlene,

A very warm welcome to our forum. I am sorry to hear of your concerns for your mum. A number of people refuse chemo for various reasons. Some remain cancer free, whilst others don't.  This is a lottery really, as everyone's cancer is different and specific to that one individual.

I am 73 too and have had2 bouts of cancer in the past 12 years. I also lost my mum to breast cancer and didn't want chemo. I guess that I am one of the fortunate ones, because I still live a busy and fulfilling live. This has to be your mum's decision. Have you asked her why she doesn't want chemo -  is this to do with her sister's experience?

There are many reasons for refusing this treatment and although you may find this difficult to accept, some are perfectly valid.  Sometimes we have to weigh our lives up in terms of quality as opposed to quantity. If you cannot help her to change her mind by allaying her fears, please don't let this become a bone of contention between you. Give her the support she needs to stand by her decision, which won't have been an easy one.

Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I had chemo and radiotherapy 23 years ago following a wide local excision/lumpectomy. The cancer had spread to my lymph glands.The chemo was the worst for me but I had agreed to taking part in a research trial and it involved overnight stays in hospital every 3 weeks and a 24 hour infusion bag. I lost the top of my hair, which was my main worry even though I had an ice cap each time.  It did help give me more time with the family  but not sure if I would have it at 73 years of age and only the chance of 7% longer.

I'm not sure what I'll do now the cancer has come back and I'm only 68, with 3 lovely grandchildren . As Jolamine said, it's the quality of life that important.

I hope your mum makes the right choice for her and you give her all the support she needs, which I'm sure you will. It's a hard decision to make. I've been there. It was only the thought of missing my family that swayed it for me for the first time. Take care x

Hi,

I had a lumpectomy in August last year, they also removed 18 lymph nodes of which 13 were cancerous,  I also had to have another operation last Sept to get clear margins which thankfully they did , I'm only 51 but refused chemo, radiotherapy and hormone blockers. 

Yes I have a high chance of the cancer returning but so does everyone else who's got cancer .

I know of at least 3 people actually 4 that had cancer, had it removed and underwent treatment , chemo etc yet the cancer still returned,  sadly only one of those people are still alive today .

I think having treatment should be down to the individual themselves and thier choice should be accepted. 

Life isn't guaranteed .

I get fed up of trying to explain to people that yes I had cancer , although at this stage I think I'm still classed as having it because it's not yet been a year since my diagnosis and I believe you have to be cancer free for 5 years before getting the all clear, I could be wrong on this one tho .

I can't explain to others why I refused treatment,  no one really understand how sick it makes you , they just see it as you're being selfish I don't think they quite understand you've already thought things thru and it's not a easy decision to make and it's a decision I may have to make all over again as they did a recent ct scan and the area of concern they seen in a ct scan last year on my lung as changed, they want another ct scan in May and have said if it's changed again would I be willing to speak to the consultant about treatment. 

I personally think your mum is brave, she knows what she wants and as obviously thought things through x

Hi Jolamine

Thank you very much for your welcome and for sharing your experience. I am sorry to hear that you lost your mum from cancer and that your have suffered twice now. So happy to hear that you still love a busy and fulfilling life though

I completely support my mums decision it is more my mum that is needing reassurance that this is the right one and I told her I would look for some similar things on forums so this one was very good to come across. 
 

as you said it is a lottery and some people can go through chemo and still the cancer comes back and some people don't do it and cancer won't, there is no certainty with this horrible thing.

my mums feelings refusing chemo were mainly due to her sister but the list of side effects were horrific and a lot to deal with for six months at her age too, even thought of pins and needles when she knits and does stitch, lowered immune sickness, everything really, she just thought going through this for 7% and not even guaranteed 7% at her age was just not for her. I 100% support her, we just would like to hear from people who have been in my mums position rather than just doctors.

thank you so much for your response and most definitely will keep in touch.

take care xx

Hi spanielsmum

thank you so much for your response and for sharing your experience too. It is amazing to hear that this was 23 years ago and you are still going strong you kicked cancers butt for time with they beautiful grandchildren.

I 100% support my mums decision but she wanted me to go on forums to see if I could find people that were in similar situations to see if she was doing the right thing, basically hear success stories was the hope. The struggle of chemo was my mums fear and her being able to cope with chemo for six months at her age, everyone we know that has went through chemo it was tougher than cancer itself.

I am so happy that you have won your fight and that you have many many years left with your grandchildren.

thank you again xx

Thanks Chaz7, Unfortunately my cancer has returned but I will fight it like before. Good luck to your mum. I feel for her. And you, of course.:happy:

Hi Einagu

thank you very much for your response, my mum will be happy to hear that others have made the same decision and for similar reasons. The chemo treatment seems like it is tougher than the cancer itself and the side effects were frightening for my mum to go through for six weeks especially when there is no guarantees and as you mentioned can get all this gruelling treatments and still end up loosing the battle in the end anyway (I am terribly sorry for the people that you have lost to this horrible disease)

I am so sorry to hear that you may need to be facing this decision again if your cancer has come back and I hope and pray that your next scan brings positive results for you.

thank you so much for your response and for sharing and my thoughts are with you in the next couple of months with your scans x

Thank you so much for the well wishes , I expected backlash at the very least like usual so thank you for that.

Your mum is the only one I've came across that doesn't want the treatment (apart from radiotherapy) .

I wish her good luck though for whatever she decides. 

I feel sometimes we feel forced to undergo treatment like it's just expected of us .

I've been asked a few times why did I bother having the operations if I'm not going to have the follow up treatment,  I have no answers for them, none that they are wanting to hear anyway. 

I can only hope the next ct will show nothing as changed but the fact they've said its a concern doesn't bode well so all I can do is cross that particular bridge when it comes to it although I do no, people around me are expecting me to go through the treatment this time .

X

Hi Charlene,

I am glad to hear that you support your mum in her decision and are doing your best to find the reassurance that your mum needs. Do you know what type of Chemo is being considered for your mum? Not all chemo is the same and the side-effects can all be very different. Chances are that what they are offering your mum may be very different from what her sister had. If your mum is happy for you to talk to her care team and is willing to give them her permission to do this, you might find out more by talking to them yourself.

I hope that more people come along to relay their experience to you. Don't be surprised if your mum changes her mind at some stage. Whatever she decides, she is fortunate to have a daughter like you, who understands the problems and heartache associated in making a decision like this.  I look forward to hearing more from you and wish your mum well in her decision.
Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Spanielsmum I am so sorry! I had misread your last message, I am terribly sorry to hear that your cancer has returned. I wish you the very best with your fight, you have beat before all they years ago. My thoughts are with you and thank you so much xx