Hi Cathy, 

Sorry to hear that your husband and you are going through this journey. I was diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer and needed hysterectomy anc radiotherapy. I have completed all the treatmemts for now but is waiting for results of genetics testing to see if there are hereditary issues, which could affect my two daughters, one 20 and one 17 now. 

When I first found out I had cancer, my husband n I kept it to ourselves without telling our daughters the truth as my elder daughter just started year 1 at university away from home and my younger daughter at year 11. When I went to hospital for hysterectomy, I just said I needed an operation due to heavy bleeding but nothing serious. My daughters appeared to take it as I told them. Then when I got the formal diagnosis,  which was Stage 2 and I needed radiotherapy, I told them the real news. Although I was petrified and worried about the upcoming 25 session treatment, again I toned it down to "it is going to be a simple minor treatment for precaution..."(which luckily really turned out to be the case). My daughters encouraged me, gave me a lot of verbal and physical support. I was in tears when they were away but when I sat with them, we hugged and just stayed calmly together....

After all my treatments were over, I went to another doctor in private care to ask for second opinions on my prospect and follow up monitoring. I was very pleased with the doctor's evaluation as she confirmed my NHS doctors' conclusion that the chance of recurrence is low. When I went back home, I immediately told my younger daughter, she burst into tears and told me she had been googling a lot about my cancer from the day I went for the hysterectomy, she found a lot of very scary results and thought that I could die in weeks. 

Now knowing my younger daughter worrying about me so much but keeping all her fears to herself, I would suggest to anyone in similar situations that they should be honest to their children right from the beginning, but try to find the right moment to deliver the news, and possibly share your own feelings with them, both your fear and optimism. It is a difficult journey for the whole family, but being together is most powerful. 

I sincerely hope that your husband, you and your boys will sail through the coming journey safely. 

I am always free to share or listen to you Cathy. I am 48 and have 2 daughters. We probably have quite a lot in common. 

Best wishes, 

Chui 

Hi so sorry to hear this, for me during my diagnosis I contacted Mackmillan Nurses, and they sent out some great leaflets for this, covering lots of topics, specially designed to help everyone understand and answer the questions towhat is going on. My daughter was 14 when I was diagnosed, 

Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Cathy although I'm sorry to hear your husband has been diagnosed with advanced duodenal cancer.

I know you are looking for some resources that can help your sons so I just wanted to point you in the direction of this information we have our on website. As Terri_H pointed out, Macmillan have some useful tips and advice on talking to teenagers as well but you may want to have a look at the the National Cancer Institute's guide for young people who have a parent with cancer.

I hope this proves to be a good starting point and that you won't have to wait too much longer for the MDT's decision about treatment for your husband.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you all, I will have a look at those resources. I agree it is important to be honest and open from the beginning and we are following that path. Take care all of you xx