I know how you are feeling.  I will be having a throat biospy in the coming weeks.  I was told my appt could take up to 6 week to arrive which doesnt bear thiniking about.  Every moment of the day I am lost in thought of what may lie ahead.  I feel ike I have been carved out inside... hollow  , numb and unable to communicate with others.,, people speak to me and I am not even aware,  I am so closed up inside my own head.. 

Sleeping is so hard.  I did actually download an app for mindful meditation and relaxing, which I  must admit , it did acutally distract me and send me to a better more relaxed mindset and I fell asleep to it .  Annoyingly it is only free for 28 days so looks like I may need to invest for the long time frame I know is ahead .. if my biospy takes 6 weeks and my results 2 weeks I have another 2 months of this . :neutral:

Oh my that is such a long wait. Hope you get it done sooner, it is so difficult when they find something and I feel it's the not knowing and the wait after biopsy for results is the worst, I agree you cant function or turn off no matter how much you try. I have everything crossed for you that it is quick, good news and you have a speedy recovery x 

How frustrating!......and as you say more 'waiting torture'.....crossing everything for you that you get some good news!

Unless you are going thru this no one understands how mentally and physically draining waiting for results is....I'm absolutely exhausted by the end of the day (as I'm sure you both are). I am lucky that I am managing to sleep ok (despite some awful nightmares). When I wake up for the first 30 minutes I feel quite refreshed and 'normal'......gradually the anxiety starts to kick in and the throat starts to hurt. Then my mind starts going thru all the different scenarios of what could possibly happen and what I could have ahead of me. I'm still waiting for the CT scan results on my chest but now I have developed a cough and of course in my mind I'm thinking thats the cancer spreading to my lungs....stupid I know but I can't help it...I jump every time the phone rings and I'm dreading getting the letter thru the door asking me to go see the consultant....I wish they would just put 'all clear' or 'spread' on the letter rather than make me visit and get the news personally.....

I am trying to get to a place in my head where I say "*** the cancer I want my life back!"....... Its my daughter's 30th this year and I have so many plans.....had already booked a surprise holiday for her but fear I may not be able to make it........I'm scared of getting the needle biopsy and I'm terrified of the actual biopsy....

I just want to skip all this testing and waiting crap and go straight to treatment.....I feel like the longer I wait the more it will spread....how stupid is that?

sorry for the rant and the semi swearing :angry::happy:

Thank you,

there's no need to apologise for the semi swearing I'm sure at this moment in time we are all letting some profanities out, I certainly did at the hospital. I didn't have a needle biopsy or any other tests apart from the biopsy  under General Aneasthetic. I can 100% understand your fear and the fear of it spreading, it is the most mentally draining place to be. I have everything crossed that you get positive news. Maybe try speaking to your GP as they sometimes get the results before you get to see your consultant x

Hey Alan 

Odd to wake up and briefly you are your old you and then you remember , so cruel .  I am having to isolate myself in preperation for my biospy on Monday.  My youngest daughter's school was rife with covid just before they broke up for half term so she is a risk to me being back in a school of 1600 pupils and to have to cancel my biopsy due to contracting covid would be the last straw for me .. so she is now home schooling until after my biopsy, well , I basically emailed the school telling them she wont be in until next week, like or lump it  .   I am terrified of my biospy too.. a huge fear of hospitals in general , what type of biospy are you having, mine is under GA so I will be in for the day :cry:

I quite agree the appointsment to obtain results seem barbaric to me.. I think they should discuss over the phone where you are in your own home/comfort zone and hopefully with someone by your side, the waitt for one of those appointments would still be horrendous though but not as bad as sat in a watiing room  miles from home and all appointments are behind schedule.   

Like you, making any type of plans seems unthinkable for me at the moment . . how can you plan ahead when you dont know what lies ahead,  so I am a real party pooper around those around me  who are thinking and planning ahead ,I  simply shrug and say, 'we'll see"  making plans seems like tempting fate.. .. you are not alone in your thoughts ,, we are doing the exact same things 

tbh,, a inice long sleep and only being woken up when necessary for a test or appointment seems ideal to me ,, no room for thinking then ..  

Jo

Hi Jo,

My bio is under GA as well and I was told I should be out the same day. I haven't been under since I was a kid so have no idea what it will be like.....I'm a man so we have an inherent fear of Doctors and hospitals anyway! :silly:

Having said that I have overcome my fear of cannulas, I still hate blood tests tho....I have to go in next Monday for my Bio assessment and have bloods, ECG, blood pressure and all that nonsense. I'm alos terrified of losing teeth during the bio....the surgeon said he might break some of my teeth doing it!.....as if I don't have enough to worry about.....SupeC did you have any issues with teeth?

Anyway, enough negativity....I am out in London this Saturday for meal with my partner and I'm gonna have a bloody good drink regardless of my CT results......:devil:

Alan x

OMG lose teeth .. wth! i am baffled and no-one has mentioned this to me but then I  havent really had a pre assessment other than MRSA swab at ENT and BP taken,, BP was sky high (cant think why lol) and nurse asked if that was normal eeerrrm??? 'no perhaps due to the circumstances of me being here' right now filling out pre-op forms. '  

I did have a call from the hospital yesterday going through lots of questions and my medical history.  I was told I would be called on for a PCR test in coming days and I should self isolate before and after biopsy ..

I hope you have an awesome weekend ahead,  enjoy yourself and given I cant have a drink because of my up and coming tests, you'd best have a few for me too .. :wink:

Hi Alan no I didn't have a problem with my teeth luckily but they do have to give you the worst scenario just in case. Enjoy your time out at the weekend Alan.

I agree jo it would be lovely to just sleep and only wake long enough for appointments, tests and results in fact it would be utter bliss.

sending hugs x

Hi all,

Had a fantastic weekend and managed to claim my life back for a couple of days!

Just got back from my pre biopsy assessment and all went well. While I was there I asked the nurse if she could look up my chest CT scan results because it had been a week and I hadn't heard anything and was super stressed....she did and they are all clear! Phew! I blubbed...but happy tears this time.

That's the first hurdle cleared...next one is the needle biopsy of my neck lymph glands (not scheduled yet) then my tongue biopsy on 21st March.

One hurdle at a time but I feel much more positive after that little slice of good news.

Hope you are both keeping well

Alan

X

Hi Alan

So happy to hear news about the scan -

I am sat in hospital recovery ward having just had my biopsy op - my mouth is a little eeeeek ! And I can feel stitches in mouth  but all done and I should be home later today
 

Well done Jo!

Keep me updated I'm only 2 weeks behind you 

X

Absolutely I will :silly:

Oh btw they mentioned the teeth damage to me before i went into surgery but all was okay .. I cant feel any damage - all seem to be present and intact lol 

Jo

x

Absolutely I will :silly:

Oh btw they mentioned the teeth damage to me before i went into surgery but all was okay .. I cant feel any damage - all seem to be present and intact lol 

Jo

x