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My mum died when i was five .

KateH43
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When i was around 3 my mum was diagnosed with cancer and i had no idea what was going on. Im 14 now... i dont know how  im meant to cope with out her i know its been 8 years but its only just hitting me that shes gone . I miss her so much it feels like someone ripped my heart out and tore it apart and put it back. this is pain ill never be able to wash away with liquids and medicine . Sometimes i convince myself its not true , that shes still here , but shes not shes gone and i some how blame it on my self . Mum i miss you please come back .please .

  • Hello Kate

    I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your Mum at such a young age. It's an incredibly difficult thing for many people to come to terms with but for children and young people it can be harder to understand the thoughts and feelings that come with grief. 

    Please don't ever think that your Mum's illness and her passing was your fault. I'm sure that she wouldn't want you to think like that. 

    I wanted to let you know about two organisations that you might find helpful and where you may be able to chat with other young people who have lost a parent. the first is an organisation called RipRap who have a forum specifically for teenagers who have a parent affected by cancer. The second is an organisation called Hope Again and they are part of a wider bereavement charity called Cruse and are able to provide different types of bereavement counselling support. 

    I'd also really encourage you to talk with a trusted adult Kate. This may be someone at home, a relative, friend or teacher. If you'd rather talk to someone that you don't know then I'm sure that there will be some counselling or pastoral support at school that you can access after Christmas. It may seem scary or daunting to talk to someone face to face about how you're feeling but I promise that it's a big step in helping you to begin to understand and process all the thoughts and feeling that you're dealing with at the moment. 

    Take care of yourself Kate and know that you're welcome to post here on the forum to chat with us as well if it helps. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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    Hi Kate,

    A very warm welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. It is particularly at your age that you will miss and need your mum. Things are changing in your life  and you are progessing into adulthood. This is hard for anyone, but particularly hard when your mum is not around. This is certainly not your fault.

    My mum lost her mum when she was born. Her father wanted to remarry when Mum was 7 and her brother was 10. The new wife didn't want children, so they were sent to adoptive parents. Her brother missed home and ran away. She called her new mother her aunt, but she died in a car crash just after the children arrived. She was brought up by her uncle, but had little femal input into her life. This was especially hard. 

    What is your position - do you have any female guidance in your life and do you have any other siblings? How close are you to your dad? Can you discuss how you feel with any of them? 

    Our moderator, Jenn, has mentioned some helpful sources if you want to talk to someone outside of your family. Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than it is to family. It sounds as if you could do with some counselling to help you to come to terms with what has happened. You're right that this is not something that can be cured with liquids and medicine. Losing our mums at any stage of our lives is one of the hardest things that any of us have to go through.'

    Try some of Jenn's suggestions and remember that we are always here for you whenever you want to talk.

    Hugs,

    Jolamine xx

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