Hi all,
It's not like me at all to reach out for support and I'm supposed to be the "strong" one in my family, so posting here is a big step for me.
Dads currently in ICU where he has been for the last 2 weeks. He was diagnosed with biliary tract cancer in May and has many underlying issues. He had 2 laparotomies in the last 2 weeks (following bladder damage from previous cancer 10 years ago) which means his chemo has been put on hold, and it's the reason he's still in hospital. We got told today that the cancer has now advanced to a stage where palliative chemo is no longer an option and he is in his final days/weeks. He doesn't know yet and has been fighting so hard up until this point. I can't even begin to put into words how deeply painful this is. He's in so much pain following the laparotomies, from the pain of the tumour itself in his liver and he is so jaundiced just looking at his yellow eyes brings me to tears. The most difficult thing is coming to terms with the fact that he will most likely die in hospital alone, without anyone with him. We have such a huge family and he is so loved by everyone, and we can only visit for an hour per day and it's just tearing me, my brother and my mum apart that he's just left there to suffer in pain by himself.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Not being able to be there and watching a loved one slowly deteriorate from afar without being able to hold them or be there for them? I feel so helpless and alone and my family relies on me to be the pillar of strength. I can't even imagine the fear and sadness he will be feeling there all alone.
