My dad has metastatic lung and liver cancer (so two primary cancers). He was diagnosed 18 months ago. He’s been supported daily in the most amazing way by my wonderful mum. But its now got to the stage that i think is termed pre-active death. He’s currently in hospital as we couldn’t cope with his delirium (we had to hold him to his chair at night as he thought he was being chased and when he got up to try and get away he would fall over).
He’s not near to death enough to be accepted by the hospice. He’s confused and hallucinating (sees smoke and snow) and talks of trying to get home (by escaping, or by taxi, or by bus) but never asks us to take him home.
He is very aggressive towards my mum. She cannot say anything right to him in his eyes. He often says to her she’s f’ing useless and f’ing clueless about the most mundane things. The look in his eyes towards her could be described as hate or evil - but i keep telling her its the disease that has reached his brain. They’ve been together since they were 15 (currently 66).
The hospital are attempting meds to sedate him overnight to make it manageable for us to take him home before active death starts and the hospice will accept him (he’s clearly stated throughout that he doesn't want to die at home for mum’s sake).
I will move in with them and take on the primary carer role. But i also want my mum to come out of this not fundamentally damaged by this aggression towards her.
Has anyone been through this type of situation? How long did it last? How do i deal with aggression and confusion? I feel like the hospice and doctors should answer these questions but they’re not really communicating with us.
Thank you in advance. I know anyone reading here is suffering and is looking for insight too. And many are here after their experience to help others out - i appreciate and send love to you all
