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Loosing my mum…

Girls2002
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I typed into google " how to cope when your mum is dying of cancer." Cancer reasearch was the first thing that came up. 
 

My mum who is aged 44 was diagnosed September last year with liver cancer. She was the told in January this year that she had 6-9 months to live as it had gone to her stomach (tumour in liver stayed the same.) My mum outlived the prognosis. Which I knew she would. There was then a new chemotherapy drug for her type of cancer being used for people in the UK. She was then told she was too poorly to take it. She was taken into a hospice on 7th of September for pain management. Her joints, were causing her so much pain.  they think it's damage from Previous chemo. She then returned home two weeks later. She was doing ok and they put her on patches for pain. It's gone down hill since then. She had a scan and appointment with her oncologist last Tuesday and she was told it had spread abit further in her stomach and that she would not be put back on the chemo tablets. My mum asked how long she had and they said they hope she makes it to Christmas. Knowing that I may have less than two months with my mum Left is literally heart breaking. I have a younger sister who is 16 (I'm 18) I'm lucky enough to work remote from home still due to Covid so I can be with her I24/7 my dad then come home from Work and takes over. I look at my mum everyday and it's so sad to see how worried she is to leave us behind. My mum has worked as a nurse and knows what's to come. She said that's one of the worst bits. She knows exactly what she's going to go through. I know my mum is no where near slipping into the end of life state. But it's trying prepare myself. Like will I ever be ready? I don't think I ever will be.  It's knowing I have to get up and live the rest of my life without my mum there. If I'm ever worried about something I call her first. If I need help with something she's the first person I ask. Knowing she won't be there on my wedding day or to see me have  children it literally breaks me. Sometimes I think to myself if she's not here I'm not doing any of that. But I know she wants me too. I know so many people go through this and I'm not the only person. But how do you prepare yourself? How do I live my life after knowing your not going to see that person again? It's so hard to Put into words. 
 

sorry for the long post x 

  • A warm welcome to Cancer Chat, Girls2002, although I'm so sorry to hear about your mum's story.

    Let me start by saying that there is no need to apologise for the length of your post, we're here to listen so feel free to write as much as you need.

    What you describe sounds like an incredibly sad and difficult situation and there is really no right or wrong way to go through it so go easy on yourself, take one day at a time.

    Hopefully, others who have been or are going through a similar situation with their loved ones will be here shortly to chat with you as it does seem to help to talk to those who can understand what we're going through. Until they do, I thought I may leave you with this page from our website called Family, friends & caregivers that address things like taking care of yourself and supporting a loved one with cancer. I hope this can help a little.

    Stay strong, Girls2002, and please remember we're here whenever you need a chat.

    Best wishes to all of you,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi. I couldn't scroll by without replying. I am not in your situation but my 46 year old best friend since age 11 who knows me perhaps better than anyone is also dying from liver cancer. The sad thing is, is that she also suffers from addiction problems and I live 100 miles away. I know she has just spent time in hospital really poorly and after a text on Wednesday, I've had no further replies so I'm kind of sat here thinking has she died and I don't know. I don't think it's something you can prepare yourself for tbh. I've kind of being trying to prepare myself for 18 months to kind of avoid the pain of grief but now I realise I've been worrying myself sick and I'll still have to face the grief. Its hard to stop yourself looking forward at all the milestones but grief softens in time so those milestones won't be as daunting then if that makes sense. It's not the same but I lost my family due to them supporting my abusive ex. They were my world and I honestly never thought I'd recover. I'm still sad but it doesn't dominate my every thought like they used to. I think you just need to focus on one day at a time and to try to go with however you feel, remembering that you don't have to be strong for everyone or hold it all together. Your mum is so young and you are so young but hopefully in time you and your sister and Dad will be able to support each other and live the full life your mum would want for you xx

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