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What, when and how to tell children

Daveja
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Hello, my husband aged 55 is on palliative care, after being told last week there is no more treatment, the same day they had planned radiotherapy for a fungating tumour on neck, he are deviated, and he is asking family to help him find someone else to help him which is heartbreaking.

He is presently being cared for at home, day and night nurses.  We have 7 year old twins and I cannot bring myself to tell them daddy will not be with us, they are all the nurses coming and going and just say is it making him better.  With my husband not dealing with it I am Struggling to speak with children or do I wait a little longer.

thank you 

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    I’m not sure with your children being so young mine were a lot older and told them from my husband being diagnosed in February 2020 he passed away 10months later if you tell them daddy not well and take it day by day but it’s so hard for you sorry can’t be more help but take annie x

  • I'm so sorry no more treatment is available for your husband Daveja.

    I can't begin to imagine how you're both feeling at the moment and how difficult this must be for you and the twins but I really do hope this information we have on supporting children will help you figure out what to do.

    If you'd like to speak with one of our cancer nurses about this then do give them a call on 0808 800 4040. Their phone lines are open Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. 

    We're all thinking of you Daveja and sending our strength and support your way.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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     I really hope that you will get some support from Macmillan or other local groups.. my nieces son has leukaemia and Macmillan have been great. Your gp may be a starting point or the visiting nurses who will know what's available locally. Hoping that you can get some support at this difficult time x

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    Hi. I am so sorry for your situation but if the children think he is getting better they could feel incredibly betrayed when he passes and may lose their trust in you as their remaining parent. You don't want to upset them but sadly the upset is going to happen anyway and based on what other people have told me who weren't told a parent was dying - they were still traumatised more from being kept in the dark and things not being discussed with them more than the loss itself. Children need to feel they have some control to feel safe and that control can come from being prepared, being allowed to show negative emotions, making memories in the time their dad has left. My mum was blindsided by her mother's death as a child because no one talked about it/told her it was a possibility. She still struggles with it 60 years later

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