I'm not even sure where to start. I'm 24, my Dad turned 61 in February. I haven't seen him since Feb 2020 on his 60th birthday, before the pandemic. We live several hours apart and I have never been able to spend much time with him as I want to, even since I was a kid (my parents separated when I was very young).

He has cancer of the bowel and it has spread to his liver. Seeing the difference in how he looks and sounds on video calls is heartbreaking. I am lucky that my bosses have said that I can go and work remotely whilst staying with him, or with my brother who lives nearby. 

I feel like I need to make up for lost time. And I feel like I have to confess that this is what I've always been afraid of. I have always been scared that something terrible would happen and take my dad away from me before I had the chance to really get to know him. I feel guilty that we aren't closer. I am so sad that he won't get to live out the life he had planned for himself. And I'm so upset at the selfish things- he won't walk me down the aisle, or meet my first child.

Things are as good as they can be- everyone has pulled together; family and friends. But I admit a lot of it doesn't feel real.

I'm sending so much love to everyone out there going through something similar.