Father dying

I wish I knew where to start, my brain is so muddled. I'm 36 but never felt more like a scared little child watching my big, strong, protector... wither away to this small, frail, helpless body that once was able to hold me on its shoulders. 
My father is 72, and for most of those years he was in decent health. Type 2 diabetes at 45 and Gall bladder removal 20 years ago and a small bout of sepsis but he bounced back. He worked hard right up to the day of his retirement at 65 and had great plans for what he and my mother would do with their time, cruises, a new puppy, weekends away, it's their time! They just had to overcome a minor operation for sciatica for my father and the world was their oyster. The operation happened, the problem didn't fix, the problem turned into severe, debilitating pain and left my father unable to walk without some sort of frame and for the next few years mum had to become a carer. As if things weren't bad enough...the diabetes caused liver disease and this quickly deteriorated. From October last year my father has spent 90% of the time in hospital and he was diagnosed with liver cancer in February with no treatment available and the only thing was to keep the symptoms at bay. Rocket drain fitted for the ascites, pain medication and now necrosis and infection for diabetic foot which has meant he has spent the last 8 weeks in a side room of a short stay Ward because they have nowhere else to put him. They can't do anything for him and I have to watch this man suffer in the slowest most cruel way ever. We can't get him home, there isn't the care staff to arrange such a specialist package for the 24 hour care he needs. There isn't any hospice beds. He just lays and sleeps, wakes up and gets so angry at me and mum. Says the most awful things, closes his eyes and 30 seconds later is dad again. We are on this vicious cycle for weeks now and told that he will not make it through the night and yet he is still with us. Angry, depressed, in pain, lifeless, no dignity left and I feel such guilt for wanting to tell him to let go. I have no clue what is going on. 

I don't know how I am expected to live in a world without this man. 

Parents
  • Dear TeddyWoo,

    if ever you have to be strong, its now.

    just be there with your Mum and Dad.  Thats all you can do. You have your wonderful memories, and one day, you will be able to just focus on them again.  You must go through this tunnel to arrive at Peace again.  We are all much stronger than we think.

    hold their hands and tell your Dad how much you love him.  Bless you all xx

  • Thank you. We just found out today that there is finally a hospice bed for him so he will get moved today and hopefully get better care than the ward he was in. It was so short staffed that he would lay in his mess for hours. I just want him to be able to leave us with a bit of dignity. 

  • He will get better care as there so well trained so stay strong and I know it’s going to be hard for you and your family but he will be getting care he deserves lv annie x

  • Really pleased they found a hospice bed for him.  It will make the horrendous situation a little better for you all x

  • Im so pleased Teddywoo, that a bed has been located for your Dad.

    i am holding you all in my prayers, please look after yoursrlf and your Mum, so you can keep your strength up, and your emotions as calm as possible.  You all love each other and youre there for each other at this most important of times.

    im thinking of the three of you with warmth and much love.

    sending you Blessings xxxxx

  • Thank you very much. The 9th was my parents 43rd wedding anniversary. I got the call this morning to head to his bedside as he didn't have long. I drove the hour and a half to him and my mother, brother and I have been sat here by his bedside for 12 hours now. My dads a fighter. He's not quite ready to leave us and I can only imagine that it's me and my brothers quality banter here in the room that he doesn't want to let go yet!! He's been unconscious and unresponsive for all this time and has had the horrible rattle for the past 5/6 hours. I know he will leave us soon, he's just waiting for my papa to meet him with a dram on the other side. 

  • Just checking how you sweetheart  keep strong lv annie x x x

  • He's still here, very shallow breathing. I went to mums to get a shower and a couple hours sleep and we are back at his bedside now. Just feels so cruel that when he should let go and be at peace, his wee body just isn't ready to let the fight be over. That's 30 hours now of being unresponsive and shallow breathing. Had the "rattle" for a good few hours yesterday until they gave him something to ease it. I expect he will pass today but it's just a waiting game. 
    I last spoke to him last Saturday and when I was leaving his room we both said I love you and he told me I was his good girl. So I can be happy that was the last words I hear from him. 

  • He’s a fighter sweetheart a dad to be proud of with a amazing daughter and family  lv annie x x

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