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Secondary brain cancer

My-Only-Rose
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Hi all,

 

I can't even believe I am writing this but unfortunately I have recently just had the heartbreaking news to say my beautiful mum has this awful brutal illness and it's terminal.

 

It literaly has smashed my heart into a million pieces  and I don't know how I am going to keep fighting once I lose her, I will of lost everything I know it  


So when I got the diagnosis she was with me, however she is very confused due to the brain mets & I honestly don't believe she understands that she has got this and is living on limited time? Is this normal or could it just be that she doesn't want to go down that lane of conversation? 


She honestly speaks about how well she looks now and how hard the past weeks have been ? I mean she does look amazing to me of course and it's been hell but she's still fighting the hardest war of her life and unfortunately going to loose & I feel like am not telling the truth & at the same time I don't know if she could process it or it would really upset her I wouldn't want  either  


There currently reducing the meds for the swelling on the brain & we're taking every day as it comes with greatfulnes BUT I really don't know what to expect next & I have tried researching as much as I can but I feel like maybe I need to speak to people who have been through this or similar to kind of understand better.

 

My mind is ticking over & over everything so I am sorry if this doesn't make sense in parts but if anyone could let me know or share anything similar I would be so greatful


Thank you so much for reading xx

 

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    Hi. I can feel your panic through reading your message. Please if you can just take a moment for yourself and try to focus on anything that can calm you, even if it is just for a second. I am so sorry that you are suffering. My Dad died yesterday morning. He had stage 4 Glioblastoma. Since April I have been desperately researching, reading forums hoping for anything to stop my Dad from leaving me but also to stop the excruciating fear and panic in me. Over the last two weeks I decided I had to let everything wash over me and not fight it. Just accept the reality of what was happening. Acknowledge that it was all too much but that it was ok not to be ok. It became for me I am here with my Dad in this moment. I love my Dad and he loves and knows I am here with him. He will leave me but I will be with him when he does and I will be just there in that moment for him. Whatever fears I feel for after he's gone I will get help and deal with then but will not allow them to overwhelm me now while he is still here. He is not here now. He left me yesterday. I was by his side when he died. I just wanted you to know that writing this tonight I am doing ok and know I will be ok because I want to be and my Dad would want me to be. I am sending you both a big hug. 

  • Offline in reply to TBR

    Hi there,

     

    Oh I am so sorry to hear about your dad & I am sure he will be so so proud of you xx

     

    I hope your okay and big hugs to you, you sound like you have been through similar steps of how I am feeling now with looking into everything and feeling so scared of when the time comes.

     

    I do everything I can at the minute to enjoy the time I spend with her and I feel so blessed & greatful for this time but like you say and your so right I am literally in fear day and night of what's to come. I suppose I have never lost anyone close or been through this before & now it's hit the most amazing & important woman to me it breaks my heart into pieces.

     

    I hope my mindset will be strong and something clicks because at the minute the thought of my life without her is just unbearable. I am glad I found this forum though I felt some type of comfort straight away. I appreciate you sharing your story and thank you so much for your kind words.

     

    I really hope your feeling ok & if you ever want to chat please do, big hugs xx

  • Offline in reply to My-Only-Rose

    I am so glad you have found this forum. I joined for the same reason, it does provide a little comfort. This is a whole new horrendous experience for me too, like you. Remember nothing needs to click into place, you don't need to be strong. Just take everything minute by minute and look no further than that if you can. This us my second full day without Dad. This morning I felt desperate, this afternoon I just feel numb. The absolute terror I felt Sunday and yesterday has given me a day off today. Today I am ok. xxx

  • Offline

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, receiving the news about a terminal illness is shocking, knowing about the brain mets makes it only worse...

    My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018, in May this year we found out that it spread to her brain and liver. In June we were told she had weeks, maybe a few months to live. At the time, it seemed completely incomprehensible as mum, apart from being a bit forgetful and wobbly at times, was doing very well. Fast forward three months and she's now bed ridden, unable to walk or use toilet by herself. She sleeps about 20 hours a day and forgets most things that happen during the time she's awake. But she has moments of clarity and I cherish them as much as I can. In those moments, she'll say that she loves us and tha shet's grateful for our care. She'll smile. But she'll also say that thinking is very hard for her now, that sometimes she's not sure who's in the room or what's happening. It's absolutely heartbreaking seeing her like this, especially that I live abroad and even though I come to see her every couple of weeks, I'm always worried that this could be the last time I ever see her...

    I wish you and your mum a lot of strength for what's coming. No matter what, its never going to be easy but being close and having each other is the best gift and the silver lining. 

  • Offline in reply to KasiaKu

    Hi,

    Thank you so much for taking your time and sharing your story with me, I am so sorry to hear about your mum too it must be so hard for you being away too x

    I have never ever witnessed anything so nasty and cruel in my life as to what I am now with these brain mets & what they are doing there another level literally, mum is still telling us she loves us too and says quite a few different things but the words are all mixed up but am still greatful for these little things because I no there is going to become a time we're am not going to have anything which breaks my heart into a million pieces.

    I have read & heard that things can get progressively so much worse, I just don't know what to expect next or how fast it's going to hit us but like you say just being as close as we are is something I will treasure forever & ever. 

    Thank you so much for your kind words & my thoughts & prayers are with you & your mum xx

     

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