I don’t know how do I be there for him

I don't know how to be there for him*

My Uncle has very little time left. During this pandemic he was diagnosed with cancer and a few other things. He had every treatment and surgery available but ultimately it was not enough or perhaps too late. Doctors think he has a few months left at the most. I've remained hopeful thoroughout because of the way the news was always relayed to me. I haven't spoken to him myself. I justified this by speaking to my mum about it and to my cousins (his adult children that are my age). I kept up to date and they all seemed not too worried. Concerned but hopeful and positive. It was easy to relax when they were. He was busy coping with his treatment and had many others ringing him (we have a huge family) so I didn't want to be another person taking up his energy. Now I see how stupid that was. He is likely going to die and I haven't been there. At all. My guilt is huge and now that I know he probably only has a few months left to live, the anticipatory grief has hit me. How do I be there for him? His immune system is in bad shape and we're in the middle of a pandemic so I'm not allowed to see him (even if I wasn't an agoraphobe). How do i show him I love him? That he will be missed? That I'm grateful for his impact on my life? All of my uncles were there for us when my dad died from cancer and I have failed to be there for one of them now. I don't know what do say if I ring. I thought maybe I could put a care package together but I don't know what to put in it. I can't bake him anything because I think someone said that his diet is supervised for one of the problems he has. It all feels so inadequate. I don't know. I want to tell him how much he means to me but how do you do that without confirming that you've given up hope? Regardless whether he has done so himself or not, it can't feel nice to hear other people do the same. Does anyone have any advice? I feel so helpless. I would like to do something nice before he enters the hospice soon. 

  • Hi there ...

    So sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... loosing those we love is often unbearable, even befor they go.... 

    You've said what's in your heart on here, maybe do the same for him ... write him a letter and tell him what you've said here, those words will touch his heart ... we all like to think we have leave a handprint on those we love ... just write from your heart ... don't over think it, just do it ... 

    My thoughts are with you, Chrissie x

  • Hi. 
    My aunt recently passed away from cancer. Unfortunately , she was is a different country for her last year so I wasn't able to visit her. A care package seems nice, I actually did the same. I put a jumper, blanket, some biscuits and thing like this. Don't over think it. I know it can be hard and you just want to do the right thing. I'm sure that anything you do will brighten his day. Even a smile. 
    you said you felt guilty? You shouldn't be. I've never met you but I can tell from your post that you love you uncle and are very close to him. I'm sure he knows that too. Maybe you could do a daily call with him, if you call at a similar time every day, it'll be something for him to look forward to. Don't worry if you have nothing to say, he might to do all the talking? But the words will come. 

    For ideas with what to do...you could write a poem or make something. You could draw a picture or write little notes or quotes everyday. I'm actually fighting my own battle with cancer, and without making it about me, I feel so grateful when someone goes out of there way to get me a glass of water. I assure you that anything will mean the world to him. Don't feel guilty, you got a chance to do something so don't worry about the past. Focus on now. Any questions, feel free to ask. (Including with what I'm doing or want any techniques I've been using to help heal the cancer) All the best :happy: