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Struggling to come to terms with my dad dying.

Becca30
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Hi everyone I haven't posted in a while,my dad had responded to chemo and was kicking cancers butt.He was due to have two major surgeries on the bowel and liver.He had the first non invasive procedure (Liver embolization) to cut the blood supply to the right lobe but unfortunately it didn't work it that way.His tumours grew on his liver instead of shrinking and 3 new ones grew so now in total 8 on the liver,3 in the primary bowel and a fair in the abominal cavity.Everyything was so hopeful but the last 3 weeks I have watched my dad disappear right before my eyes.He is extremely jaundiced because lft levels have sky rocketed and continue to go up not down.My dad was extremely well active/fit before this liver embolism and nobody could believe he had stage 4 to begin it.I am struggling to cope.I go everywhere with my dad,I live with him,he's like a dad to my beautiful son Cian the apple of his eye.My dad is known by everyone,he is loved by everyone just am absolute gentleman.He is just going to be taking from me and I can't cope with it at all.I am really struggling,it is killing me.My hair has started falling out.I am so positive person and I just can't imagine my life without him or how we will cope.He is an absolute character and loved by so many.He loves life and people.I can't open up to anyone because I need to be strong for my family but I'm absolutely terrified and feel a part of me is dying with him.It's the no control and he doesn't want to leave us.He crying promising us he will stay and that he won't give up.It's mental torture.I don't know how I'm going to live without my best friend.

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    Hello Becca30, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad - it's so sad that his condition deteriorated and his tumours grew on his liver though he had been initially responding to chemotherapy. The last three weeks seem to have been particularly tough for you. You seem to be so close to your dad and he sounds like an incredible and warm person. It's a shame that there isn't anyone around you that you can open up to but you have come to the right place to meet others on the forum who have also looked after a loved one with terminal cancer and who will understand how you are feeling at the moment. I hope that they will be along shortly to share their experiences with you. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

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    Hi Becca,

     

    I totally understand you. My dad had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer mestasis to bones. He had chemo on Friday and he's been poorly since ,lives alone too. I am so scared, he is also the man everyone knows and loves, the best dad, the best grandad. He's only 61. 3month agonh3 was climbing roofs looking forward to the future. Now he's sits alone in the same chair in pain- he has been keeping me away because he is so stubborn. 

    At night when my husband and son are asleep I don't downstairs and just look out the window for hours I cry and I reflect. (Come on here too, because I need extra comfort and hope)

    My dad is the energy of my life..I'm petrified to not feel his energy everywhere I go. But I know this happens to us all,its inevitable. I think of here and now. Day by day ..as he says " he could of fell of a rood years ago, (in geordie slang) . 

    I've never felt pain like this, you grieve before you need too. 

    But your not alone. Keep strong. We have too 

    Xxxxx

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    Hi Becca

     

    i went through this with my dad we were very close I'm an only child and now I'm going through the same thing with my mum :(

    I'm 43 but it doesn't matter how old you are it still hurts like hell all I can say is you will be strong and you will and constantly do you dad proud every day please don't ever think you can't open up my dad never wanted to talk about his diagnosis he thought he would get better and I never really had chance to say things as I felt I couldn't do you need to hold kiss hug and tell your dad how much you love him 

    it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I was determined I was going to be there for my dad in the end he went into a hospice and the night before he passed I stayed with him on my own mum and my husband had gone home and he skipped off quietly the next morning with just me beside hIm 

    I'm so glad I was there it was very peaceful and I will always have that knowledge I had that time 

     

    Stay strong xxx

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