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My brother is dying & doesn't want to see is

Sisteract
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Hi I'm glad I found this forum as I'm so sad & confused. My older brother is 70 & was diagnosed only a month ago. He has very little time left & is obviously so angry that his doctor has been treating him for long covid when he has in fact stage 4 bowel cancer. We are a very large family & he has always been a bit of a loner but has told his partner he doesnt want to see any of us! Being the eldest sister & having always been the helper in the family I feel utterly useless & so very sad that I won't get to help or care for him in some way or even to say goodbye. I just don't know what to do or say to him. Should I write & if so what should I write? He's always been the most talented of the family so is very into music. Should I write the words of a song to him? Thanks in advance

  • Welcome to the forum Sisteract although I'm very sorry about your brother and that you may not be able to see him before he passes.

    Keeping you at a distance may be his way of trying to protect you but understandably, this must be very difficult to accept at this moment in time.

    Quite a few members of our community have been in similar situations so will completely understand what you're going through and will hopefully be along soon to offer their support and advice but in the meantime, maybe you could try having a chat with your brother's partner to find out what you can do?

    We're all thinking of you Sisteract and will be hoping you can say your goodbyes to your brother.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    I would write and make sure he receives it personally. The music idea sounds a nice idea and just express that you love him dearly. I would also express that you would like to see him. I understand how you feel my brother is terminally ill and doesn't want to see me . It breaks my heart but I think you just need to preservere in a non pressurised way and hope you will see him and if not know that you have tried your best.  This is the view that I now take.  Take care and I wish you well. 

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