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last few days -WHAT TO EXPECT

JoannaTay
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Father in law in end stage primary liver cancer

many signs death is near and momentum of change is there but i cant predict the next few 2 weeks 

i can guess this week but its a guess and he is very indipendent wants to keep control and nothing to change or people to 'hover'

 

all i respect

 

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    current signs...

    off food about 4 weeks last week could get odd bit in him this week= 1/2 bowl jelly and one shack all day + 3 cups of t

    lots of blood blisters 

    very frail

    sleeps 15-18 hrs a day

    feet very puffed

    palms of hands bright red

    warm to touch

    voice weak if not drinking

    was dribbling but thats stopped

    possible rattle more girgle but not significant

    iching

    slight loss of bowl control

    belly size of a full term pregnacy and slightly pushes him to right

    was slightly yellow by now id say grey 

    not much pain given he already moans about pain and on morphine for years

    cant get into bed but like i say very independent and still 95% on the ball 

  • Offline in reply to JoannaTay

    Hi Joanna Tay. It seems to me your the nurse or being the person who bares the brunt of this sad time. I know he is an inlaw, So it's not like its your husband where you'd be devistated. my wife died last year in July 2020 I had her here at home. it was the worst experience I never want to go through again. As long as he is drinking fluid, then it's going to be a bit longer than two weeks. We were told by the pallaitive  nurse the body can only survive a week with out water. My sisters wife went through this with my wifes mum dad and her husbands parents. she is a very well educated woman and takes things on board easily. certain things that were happening close to my wifes final breath. She rang my daughter up and told her to come round, as my wife only had hours left at the most my wife died at 17.15 on 12th July.2020. due to covid we could not meet to scatter her ashes where her mum dad and her brother had there's scattered. it was only fitting that we scattered them a year later on tthe 12th July 2021 at 17.15. it was like we were saying our goodbyes  for the first time again. even a year later I was distraught and crying, which had a knock on effect with the rest of the family. Now she is gone I can concentrate on my own liver cancer battle.

    I just hope it's not to hard to cope with and wish you all the best Joanna Tay

  • Offline in reply to JoannaTay

    Hi Joanna

    Firstly I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have just been through this journey with my Dad and it is the worst thing I have experienced. In terms of what to expect, I can only share my own experience and am sure everyone is different. My Dad had secondary liver cancer, diagnosed just over 4 weeks before he died.

    Some of the symptoms you describe I saw my Dad suffer in his final weeks. In his final days, things changed again and in addition to the ongoing symptoms, he experienced the following:

    - complete loss of appetite, unable to eat or drink water.

    - unable to swallow. We had to give very small amounts (mls) of water through a syringe

    - about 3 days before he passed, Dad went from being able to be assisted to a recliner on the steady, to being bed bound

    - moaning with exhale though didn't seem to be in pain initially

    - sleeping most of day, unable to talk apart from a word here and there, though he could hear and we would figure out what was wrong.

    - very close to the end he became a little agitated. Eyes were half closed and breathing was shallow, it got slower and slower until it eventually stopped. 

    I hope this helps, I know that when my Dad was dying I was desperately trying to figure out every day if this was it, as it surely couldn't get much worse. Unfortunately though he just became weaker and weaker, to the point where the only thing we could do to care for him was be there by his bedside.

    Sending you love, strength and virtual hugs. Your Dad is lucky to have you. 

  • Offline in reply to Her_fathers_daughter

    I don't know if you've come across this, but I found this podcast really helpful for preparing me for the last days

     

    podcasts.apple.com/.../id1567190358

     

    Sending love

     

    jaje

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    Hi there 

     

    my dad passed with bladder cancer 5 years ago and now I'm going through terminal lung cancer with my mum hence why I'm on here 

    I guess this has taught me a few things second time around I didn't say all I wanted to with my dad as he was in denial he ended up in a hospice and for about a week before was in bed and just asleep really he did seem to have visions of people being in the room and talked about him mum ..

    I stayed with him on the night before he died the next morning about 7.40am we listened to classic fm all night and I dimmed the lights as best as I could it was peaceful one minute he took a breath the next he'd gone 

    it has comforted me that I was there I am an only child so terrified of loosing mum too 

    all the best stay strong x 

     

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