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End of life

JillJ
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Hi 

i just wondered if anyone has experienced the same as me.

My 80 year old dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer 19 years ago. We were told he had about 5-8 years to live, and was treated with hormone treatment.   - well he is still here 19 years on and now the cancer is in his liver and bones! 
 

He has deteriorated in the last year and particularly the last few months. No one seems to know how long this can go in for. My 80 year old mum is caring for him which is tough. 
 

He varies day to day but he looks very yellow a lot of the time. He's legs are very swollen and his stomach looks swollen. He has lost 3 stone over the last year or so. 
 

He is on quite high levels of morphine and sleeps quite a lot some days. 
 

He has no quality of life and is embarrassed as he has lots of accidents as the he can't get to the toilet quick enough. It's no life for him or my mum.  I just wish he could just go to sleep - the paramedic said once that when he goes it will be quick - but this seems a very slow painful death to me! 
 

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? 
 

J

 

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    Hi there ...

    I've been through this heartache with to many loved ones .... it's not wanting them to "go" it's wanting what they are going through to stop .... it's one of the hardest things we go through ...  

    Sadly no two people are the same, and although we can get rough estimates ... that's all it can be as in my experience... some seem to go on lots longer then expected .. some go much quicker.... there's no logic or "normal" it's just taking each day as it comes ... reach out to Marie Currie as they will guide you through ... hold his hand ... keep talking even when you think he's sleeping as the hearing is the last thing to go,  so I'm told ... 

    So glad your mum's got you there, you will need to hold on together ... and please realise your not super human ... your just you, and it's o.k to admit it's scary ... it's o.k to feel like you do ... be kind to yourself .. and there's many on here, have or are where you are now ... so know your not alone ... Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thanks Chrissie

    Very kind words!  We also have the hospice to talk to who are absolutely brilliant. 
     

    The one thing I am most concerned about is my mum as she is getting worn out. She is a very fit 80 year old but the longer this goes on the more drained she will get. 
     

    We will get there and just have to help each otherz

    Jill

     

  • Offline in reply to JillJ

    Try Marie Currie as they can come out and sit through the night ... McMillan can also come a couple of times a day to help feed or wash ... they did for my brother in law as my sister was very like your mum, worn out pysicaly and mentally ... ask them what they can do for your mum ...to help her through ...

    Be gently firm to any one who can help that she needs help now ... good luck ... xx

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