Hi 

My mum diagnosed with Ovarian cancer almost a year ago.

I am 35, living far away from her, on a different continent. I haven't seen her for a year now and due to the pandemic, I still can't make it to my country to see my mum. 

I even don't know which stage of cancer my mums is, as I am not sure if they tell me everything about it. 

I hate myself for not being with her at this time that she needs me. I hate that it happened. I don't know if I will be able to ever see her. I don't remember our last minutes together in details, as I never knew it would be last.

It is taking over me. I can't cope with it.

I have always been so close to my mum. Sharing everything with her first. I don't know what will I do without her!