I'm sorry to hear about your nan. My dad is in a similar situation. we were told in may there was nothing more than could be done having only found out in august. It is a rare cancer and due to the positioning of it chemo was his only 'get out of jail for free card' as he puts it. He has been in and out of hospital during covid all on his own staying in for a week with full days of chemo. the last A&E dash being told he was lucky to make it back out. Naturally being told that he refuses to go back to hospital Incase he isn't allowed back home due to potassium levels etc. even for the smallest trip or bump where he absolutely should be getting check out... I'm glad in a way as selfishly I do worry that when the time comes and he's in hospital if we are limited to who can be there. I hate him being in hospital and not being able to visit. We worried constantly that he wasn't telling us the full story and how bad things actually were. Atleast at home we could see. Being with your Nan will help you deal with it better and there is other options that meaning she can be at home. You mentioned your Nan doesn't want you seeing her but that just her way of protecting you-maybe being abit to the point that you need this time to help you process & come to terms with what's happening may help her see it slightly different. I find the more I help out the better I feel (again selfish I know!) She thinks she is protecting you as a nan should.

I would recommend going with what your Nan wants to do- maybe a hospice rather than hospital if the medics are that concerned. We have found it easier to go with what dad wants to do and not at fuel to the fire especially with the mood swings! It's not always worth the upset and personally I just don't want to upset him

I think all the time about how I see the future and then feel guilty for thinking it when he's still here. I get married in august and all I can think is will he even be here- let alone walking me down the aisle/meeting me at the end of the aisle. Your Nan has already processed what has happened and I think when your given the 'chance' to know ahead like we have you automatically start this process too. I say chance like that is a good thing but not everyone gets this time that we have got. As you said your already grieving because you know what's to come. I really don't think I have anything useful to say to you apart from I feel everything your feeling right now too and I'm sure we aren't the only ones on here. Try not to get frustrated with her and make every word said and laugh count ️