Hi there, 

I hope you are all safe and well, thank you for taking the time to read my post. 

I write this as we have just had the news that my fiancees father, who has terminal soft tissue sarcoma, is now really quite bad. He has lived with this for almost 15 years, but now his lungs are full and there is nothing more they can do with his lungs, he is struggling to breathe - they have said this could turn at any point. This could be in 6 months but it could also be in 13? We just don't know. My in-laws-to-be don't want to find out the prognosis however, more recently have asked more pertinent questions which allude to him not having as long as we all may have hoped. 

My partner proposed to me early last year and we have been together for 8 years. The pandemic has been particularly stressful for us as it has for so many, and financially we just cannot afford a wedding as a result and hadn't anticipated this even happening. My partner wants her father to walk her down the aisle, and I want nothing more for her either - but I just don't feel ready, financially or emotionally. I live with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and chronic skin picking which makes things incredibly difficult, I hardly show up in real life, I miss out on huge life events, I'm reclusive and find social situations so hard. I had to turn down being a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding because I knew I wouldn't have coped with photographs etc. I find myself in what feels like an impossible situation and I really do not know what to do. I would absolutely put her needs first and want her father to walk her down the aisle more than anything, but feel so incredibly stressed and terrified at the thought because of my limitations. I had been saving to have at least two years of therapy to help me make my own wedding day without having frequent episodes etc but now feel like there isn't enough time for me to have therapy and work on this - and I'm so aware of how this sounds, all centred around me - but I wan't to be able to do the right thing without failing my own mental health. I'm so torn and I just don't know what to do. 

I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions or ideas? 

With love and gratitude