Hello,

I'm new here and I am struggling to cope after dad's shocking diagnosis. So this might be a wall of text I will try keep to facts. Dad was 1st taken in to hospital in Jan 21 had trouble breathing thought he had a chest infection but doc told us to call an ambulance and we from there dad was told he had cancer in his lungs and alot of blood clots too he also had something on his liver but unsure what. Dad had liver and lung biopsy and we had normal weeks up till April he started to lose his appetite for anything he was anxious alot and all he wanted was sleep it got to the point he was sleeping pretty much 24/7. A week ago he took a stroke in the house with his speech effected and I knew so I held his hand told him I loved him we all did. So my mum went to see him in hospital and completely broke down after. He asked if he was dying and if it was okay to go now which ofc it is u have fought enough. I say fought enough cause this is now where we were told dad had the most aggressive stage 4 cancer throughout his body. Dad made it clear he didn't want us watching him die and after seeing my mum she said she couldn't watch it either. We know what is going to happen and all he does now is sleep he doesn't eat and is going to be going to hospice. Thing is I know what my dad wanted but I feel so guilty cause I dont want to see him like that and he didn't want me to but I do want to in a way but I want to see my dad how he was and I won't ever get to again. Am I wrong for following what my dad and mum want I dont want him to think I'm abandoning him or don't love him.