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To travel or not to travel...

Rvdw77
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My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer April 2020. She had a whipple and recovered from the procedure middle 2020. After lockdown me and my sister went to go see her. We both thavelled out to South Africa end of Oct 2020. Spent time with her on her 70th birthday. It was a rollercoaster or emotions as mom turned a few bad corners over xmas and the new year... Ended up in hospital a few times. But my mom is a fighter! She then stabilised after the new year. Beginning of 2021, me and my sister both got stuck in SA.. In total we spent about 3.5 months with my folks - Which was precious time and so fortunate to have had. We both managed to get back to the UK recently.

Mom got more bad news last week. Her eyes turned yellow as well as her upper body and face. Dr's prognosis is three months, maybe less... But considering what she already went through I feel this could be longer.

Mom is not doing well at the moment though.. I can not afford to go over for so long again and scared I get stuck again with travel restrictions... But this is my mother! I don't want to have any regrets. Do I chance flying over to see her or do I hold on to the good memories we made over xmas...  Being so far from family during these times are just the worse.

Any advise would be so much appreciated...

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    Hello Rvdw77, 

    This is such a tough decision to have to make. It has been a rather unusual year. It's amazing that you managed to actually go and see your mum in South Africa but getting stuck there for over three months must have been quite an experience.  I am sure your mum was delighted though to have you by her side and it's great you managed to make all these memories when you were there.

    I completely sympathise with your feelings - having family abroad during these times and not being able to see them is really hard so for you with your mum being poorly, it adds an extra layer of worry and it's normal to feel that you would really like to be by her side if she only has a few months left. Information on foreign travel is changing constantly at the moment so it's worth checking the government website regularly. There is information for example specifically about going to South Africa on this page.  At the moment it seems that South Africa is on the red list which makes it all the more difficult to travel there and requires quarantining in a hotel. You can read more about this here.

    However, the situation keeps changing so do keep on checking the government website for updates on the situation and how it may affect you. I expect they will be announcing more about this in the coming days and you can keep an eye on which countries are being added to the green list. It must be so hard for you to know what to do at the moment but I am sure your mum knows how much you care about her and how much you would like to be by her side. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Hi Lucie,

    Thank you so much for your reply. Mom passed away early on Friday morning. :cry: So the decision was made for me. My heart is torn into a million little pieces. Everything feels so unreal and hazy still... I am travelling back to South Africa tonight to be with my dad and support him through the next couple of days.

    This is the beginning of accepting life without her. Its not a nice feeling.

    I am so glad she is out of the claws of this horrible disease!

  • Offline in reply to Rvdw77

    I am so sad to hear that Rvdw77 and would like to send you and your family my sincere condolences during this difficult time. I can imagine it must be so hard for you and I hope that you can get to South Africa safely tonight and spend some time with your dad. I am sure he will appreciate your support and having you by his side. 

    As you say, even though this is devastating news, your mum is no longer suffering. If you ever need to talk to others here who understand what you are going through, don't hesitate to come on the forum at anytime. 

    Have a safe flight tonight. We'll be thinking of you and hope everything is ok there and that you can safely return to the UK when you wish to do so. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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