Hi there

2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with a rare metastatic small cell cancer with a large oesophageal tumour and others throughout my peritoneal cavity. With chemo, I have been given a year at best. I am 64, live alone with no family nearby though I do have good friends. I led a very active life and had planned to quit work this summer just enjoy doing all the things I love most.

 I had a first round of emergency chemo which reduced all my symptoms within days and I almost believed that they had made a mistake in my diagnosis. This week the symptoms and pain have started returning leaving me in no doubt that this thing is there and doing its worst.

I have gone through so many emotions, sadness for my family and friends, sadness for the years I won't get with my toddler granddaughter and a new baby due in September, sadness for the long walks I won`t get to do, just overwhelming sadness. I think I am handling it well trying to be grateful for the life that I've had and getting everything put in order but it is so much to process.

I havn`t left home apart from hospital visits for 3 weeks and am just shrinking to a skeleton despite eating as much as I can physically contain. I am scared as to how fast this thing has progressed silently and now evidently.

I am considering getting a second opinion from xxxx or xxxx hospitals although living in Leeds would make travelling to either quite difficult, I will do it if they think they can offer me something more.

Just a few questions 

How do I get more calories in? I cannot tolerate the milk drinks etc and am already eating chocolate, biscuits, pastries etc on top of healthier foods. I can`t swallow bread. I need a source of protein that isn`t milky. Is there a powder that I can add to savoury foods?

Where can I find clothes to disguise my emaciated body ? All my clothes are hanging off. 

Is there anything anyone would advise me to do that I might not have thought about? Anything.

Thanks