My mother is in the final stages of cancer. Started in her lung, then spread to her liver and now her bones. She is being cared for at home by my dad and myself. Me, my husband and our 2 little girls (4 yr old and 8 months) moved in with them (we live 4 hours away) a few weeks ago as it was becoming too much for my dad, and as I'm currently on Maternity leave and my hubby works from home, so it made more sense for me to come and help than my brothers who are working full time. 

Anyway the district nurses have been trying to convince my mum to have a catheter for about a month now because getting her out of bed and to the comode was drastically affecting her breathing, she would struggle for breath for nearly an hour after and physically it was getting impossible to do - and it had become a 2 man job, but she was refusing blankly to have one fitted. Anyway the DN asked if I would try and convince her, and yesterday I managed to do so and she had one fitted. 

This morning it occurred to her what would happen if she needed a poo (she has only had 2 since I have been here and the nurses don't think she is very likely to again as she hasn't eaten anything in 3 days). When we explained that we would try and get her on the comode or we could put a pad, she started crying. 

I feel so guilty for convincing her to get the catheter, and her losing her dignity is all my fault. 

I hate this all, it's so so cruel