On 26/01/21 I made this post after finding out about my mum's terminal cancer and her prognosis.
Unfortunately, once we got mum home, she deteriorated really quickly in a week. She went from talking to us to being mute within 4 days. Her GP told us this was the morphine, but we'd already cut back on the morphine after Macmillan told us to only use it if she was in severe pain.
Sadly my mum passed away yesterday at ~4.40AM, at home. We knew it was coming, though not as quick, as paramedics who came out to see her told us they couldn't move her, as it would risk her dying before they got her either in the ambulance or on the journey, as her blood pressure was severely low. Paramedics and nurses who came out after, told us bluntly that they would be surprised if she lasted the night.
That night I made a bed next to hers and never left her. However, she woke me up at around quarter past 4 whimpering, and moving her hands around hysterically. I woke my Dad up who was in the other room, who called an emergency number for the district nurse that we had, who told us they would send someone right right away. It got the point where, while I was cradling her, she kept saying "I can't breathe" and to "Help". During this, she kept sticking her tongue out and it looked she was trying to pull it out.
I noticed her breathing really slowed, so it was at this point I said to my Dad she's going. I cuddled her and whispered to her how much we loved her until the inevitable moment, we heard her last breath I couldn't hear her heart and my Dad couldn't feel her pulse (he's a medical professional, so knew where to check). I've asked my Dad about it, but he doesn't want to speak about it - although he acknowledges that he heard her say those things too and that there wasn't anything we could do.
I take solace that we were there for her, but I'm concerned about what I had seen and heard prior those last moments. What was going on with my mum? Was she in paid? It's eating me up that she potentially suffered and I did nothing but hold her.
