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Mum's final stage

Matty36
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Hi

This is my first time posting but I'm not sure where else to turn. 

About August last year my Mum was diagnosed with Cancer of the Eusophigus. This absolutely floored me. She went and did 5 weeks of Chemo and Radiotherapy but on January 8th we were told its terminal. My world caved in, I'm 42 and my Mum is 63. I wanted her to watch my little girls grow up but now it won't happen. My Mum has always been there and now this cruel disease is going to take the most wonderful, caring and kind woman away from us. 

For the last few weeks she's been in hospital as its in her liver and bone and she's suffering with a lot of pain. She's on morphine and recently this has made her tired and confused. 

 Obviously because of Covid I can only ring her, which I do everyday. Sunday I had no answer, my wife rang the ward and they say she's detiroated since Saturday. I'll try again tonight, but I'm scared now that this is it. We're waiting for a bed in a Hospice, but I'm worried that she won't make it out of the hospital. 

I'm finding it hard to cope, although my wife's been amazing. My work as well have been very supportive and have told me to take any time off when needed. 

But the fact we can't see her, to be there with is hard. I want her to know that shes loved and I want to be there for her like she has been there for me in the past. 

I was wondering if anyones in a similar position?

Does it sound like my poor Mum's in the final stage?

I'm sorry if this doesnt make much sense. 

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    Hi lovely, 

    I just wanted to reply to you, as I didn't want you to think no one cared. 

    My brother has stage four bowel cancer, and lives in London. I live in Cornwall. We haven't been able to see him since December 2019, and it's tearing me apart. I had a baby in August, who he hasn't been able to meet.

    I don't really know if this is it for your mum, as everyone is different. My dad died 12 years ago of lung cancer, and he would go to a hospice and be on morphine, then be well enough to go home again, and this cycle was repeated three times, over six months.

    My partners mum passed away in Dec 2019, from a aplastic thyroid cancer. In her last few months, she also was on morphine, both in hosp, a hospice and would go home for a few weeks at a time.

    Everyone is different. 

    I know I've not been much help, your mum knows  shes loved, and she loves you immensely. As a mother to three kids, I can promise you that. 

     

    I hope you get to see her soon. Sending love to you and your family. X

  • Offline

    Hello Matty,

    From what you have said and have been told that it is terminal and as spread to her liver and bone, it does seem that your mum is in the final stage. Morphine is a great relief for pain but along with the chemotherapy that your mum has endured , both come with many disabilitatiing side effects that your mum is going through.

    I have been in a similar position (although not with covic restrictions) Can you get a video link to talk ?.

    Press really, really hard for a place in a hospice !.

     

  • Offline

    Hi Matty,

    so sorry to hear about your lovely mum. I work at an NHS hospital and at our trust for patients on end of life care (palliative) they are allowed one family member in with them, sometimes two! Call the ward and ask them if she is officially on palliative care and if so why can't you be present? I really hope they allow you to be with her, even for a little while. 
     

    sending love and hugs

    xx 

  • Offline in reply to hunty1983

    Hi

    I decided to work from home today, so I can sort out visiting my Mum. 

    It's only me and my stepfather that want to see her so I may push the hospital today to allow us both to see her.  Hopefully they will.

    Thanks for your messages of support and advice. They mean a lot. 

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