I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is obviously a massive shock, and will knock you for six. Dont feel you have to be strong, if you can, great, if you cant, thats no problem I think its worse to bottle emotions up. I am sure in time your head will adjust, even if your heart cannot, but just take your time, and enjoy spending as much time as you can with your much loved grandad. Take care x

Thank you both for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I really appreciate it ️

I am lucky that I get to spend each day with my Grandad, however it's so hard to see him giving up. He has started to experience symptoms now and is getting ready for his second chemo. He said that he knows it isn't working and after this one is over it will be his last. 
I can't even begin to imagine the mental torture he is going through. Cancer is such an unforgiving disease and it has absolutely knocked me for six. I physically can't imagine my life without him, he's my world and this is killing me
 

Ah I am so sorry he is feeling this way ,It makes it so much harder.I feel like it's mentally torturing me watching my dad go through this,he keeps crying saying he doesn't want to die or leave us .I don't know how I feel numb,angry,sad.I know exactly how you feel,nobody understands unless they are going through it.I am so sick of people telling me he will beat it and make a full recovery when they know it's terminal it messes with you big time.I am such a positive person but I don't know how to cope with this.I am an empath so I'm feeling everyone's emotions around me and I feel my dad's pain so much,he's not in in any physical pain but mentally I can feel how scared and frightenined he is.My dad is also experiencing side effects from his first chemo.I have tried to reach out to counseling,cancer support and nothing is helping with this pain or torture.I am doing everything going to his appointments,chemo apps,I am putting on a front around him and my mam but when I am alone I am crumbling even tho I'm doing everything,I feel so helpless.I wish I could say something to make you feel better but just you you are not alone in this.xx

Hi Becca - 

thank you so much for replying. 
I could have literally write your post myself, word for word! 
I am so sorry that you to are going through this. It's a true saying that when someone you love has cancer you do too! It's such an unforgiving disease. 
My grandad also keeps breaking down (however not infront of me) and saying he doesn't want to die and is only having the chemo for me. I am literally broken. When I'm around him / family I put on a brave face. It's so weird because he looks fine and we never talk about it so my brain can't comprehend what's actually happening. I've also had people tell me he can fight this and he's not going anywhere, they mean well but it's ridiculous. His prognosis is 3-6 month. People sympathise and tell me they are sorry and understand, but your right, unless someone has or is going through it it's a very hard thing to understand. 
 

if you ever need anyone to talk to you can message me xx

You don't have to thank me,I am so glad I found you that understands this not that we understand but how we feel..I'm so sorry to hear your grandad is going through all this,nobody deserves this.It really is torture and a Death sentence.I think it's harder for the people around them as cruel as it sounds.I know from going to my dads appointments and hearing that nurses.He went in to complete shock,I am the one asking all the questions wanting to know everything,hearing more bad news every week.You just want the took to open you and swallow you up.I would be very level headed and strong minded but this has completely destroyed me.I knew my dad had cancer a year before he was diagnosed and nobody listened to me,I just knew by looking at him.I was going to go and study medicine it's in my blood and when everyone did start listening to me,my dad was terrified to go about it.I really wish he had of because it has destroyed me the fact I should have pushed harder,it is killing me that if they had of listened to him we would have caught this in time.I am angry at myself for not taking no for an answer.I went to doctors etc and they all said they couldn't force him.I have alot of anger towards myself.Yeah my dad has no pain either and is as fit as a fiddle that is what scares me because looking at him you would never think he had terminal cancer and how fast it has spread in 4weeks scares me.I wish i could find a cure for everyone.

Your right, they don't. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone! It's proper thrown me and totally knocked me for six. Your dad is so lucky to have you by his side, and it's good that your asking all of the questions - because I think for the person receiving the news they just go into complete shock and shut down. 
You can't blame yourself or be angry, unfortunately sometimes the professionals fail us and miss things, and it sounds like you did your very best! This happened to us too. They diagnosed my grandad with lung cancer, then a lung cancer specialist told him they couldn't find a tumour and referred him to a cancer of unknown primary specialist - who then said it was lung cancer! It's been an absolute whirlwind. He only found out because he had a swollen lymph node in his neck. Never in our wildest dreams did we think that would turn out to be lung cancer. This has all happened and spiralled so quickly since November. I haven't had a minute to grasp what's going on, I'm in constant despair! 
Like your dad, my grandad looks great, has been feeling his usual self and if he was unaware of the diagnosis would have no idea! 
Every day I pray for a miracle and a cure for this ugly disease x
 

It sounds like your grandad was treated like my dad,He was referred in August 2019 because he was having epoisofrs for needing the toilet more frequently (only symtoms),this was after I advised he go to the doctor,they prescribed him immodium told him to take it when needed.He wasn't worried as it wasn't constant but I was ad I had voiced my concerns months prior to this,he hand delivered the referral letter to the hospital himself which was marked as urgent.He continued to have episodes wouldn't go to A&E,My dad is usually very tanned naturally and I would say around last September he was extremely pale,looked thinner in the face but had no other complaints.He had also attached the prostate clinic for 5years and only ever had 2 examinations in all that time.He had an over the phone consultation with them at the start of November,this same week I turned 30 a week I'll never forget.My dad mentioned he was still running to the toilet sorry for the TMI do they decided to send him for a full blood test the following day in the gp,2days later,the nurse from the gp rang me and asked was my dad in hospital or extremely sick by any chance and of course I knew then.I said no he was at home etc anyway she told he was extremely ill like life or death situation and they needed to see him immediately.When we got down they told us his wholr haemaglobim was extremely low and platelets high.We were immediately sent to A&e he was admitted as critical fast forward he had the have blood transfusions etc made him alot better.A week later he had a colonoscopy showed up a tumour in the bowel,Mri' CT scans you name it we were then told it was spread to the liver 5 tumours.Day before Christmas Eve we were told it was terminal and would do chemo to prolong his life,he had a pet scan last Monday and started chemo on Wednesday and before he started his treatment the oncologist sat us down to say he had spread again and it was traveling very fast It had go to the abdominal wall,2 new tumours in the bowel and also gone to the main atery in his abdomen and this was all in less than 4 weeks to the other scan they weren't there.Your grandad and my dad were failed by certain doctors and it angers me so much because nothing can be done.I feel for you and your family.I am so sorry.I wish I could give you a hug so I'll send you a virtual hug..Sorry for the long reply,I just don't want anyone else to suffer and if anyone thinks there is something not right I hope reading our posts and hearing our stories you take something from this listen to your body and always seek a second opinion.Sorry what's your name?if you want to I private message me ️I added you as a friend xx

Funny enough my grandad had been having episodes like that for a while before his cancer was detected and they told him it was divirticular! He had prostate cancer two year ago, and since then has actually had the swollen lymph node, but he was told it was ok. He'd had scans etc for other things and it was detected numerous times and told he was ok, it was fine. 
 

Your poor dad! It's hard when you can feel that something is wrong and your trying to push it but no one listens and passes off your concerns. 
I can't believe when and how you found out the news, that must of been a really terrible shock for you all. 
 

As a family we've already been through the mill with cancer. My mam was misdiagnosed twice with cervical cancer and it wasn't until she pushed for a hysterectomy they found it. All her smears were coming back normal and in the mean time she had so many symptoms that screamed cancer and was told it was all in her head. 
 

Thank you! A hug would be amazing right now!!! I feel for you and your family too. It's such a hard thing to come to terms with, and like us, yous are in a similar position where everything has happened so quick and you don't have chance to properly adjust then the chemo happens and you have to wait to find out if it's working. 
 

My name is Dawn and I'm also 30 xx