Cancer Research UK main site

I don't know what to do about work

PeterMP
Offline

Over the weekend, I received the dreadful news from my mum that her cancer had spread to her brain and there was nothing further that could be done. My dad informed me that the doctors told him she'll be lucky to make it to easter :sad:

I feel like I've just been hit by a bus and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm struggling to eat or think about anything other than my mum. My emotions are up and down, where I can feel fine and composed one minute (like now) and the next I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. These are emotions I haven't ever experienced before and I'm struggling, my thoughts are going places I never thought I could go and not even alcohol is easing the pain, the only thing keeping me going is knowing that she hasn't gone yet and I may be able to say goodbye when she gets to leave the hospital.

Yesterday at work, I wasn't productive at all. This is a job I only started in December, it's a dream job, a position I'd chased for 4 years and now overnight, I don't feel anything for it and I'm at a loss about what to do. When my mum eventually is allowed home, which based on what the hospital is saying could be by the end of the week, I want to do nothing but be beside her. Work will be the least of my worries.

What do I do about work.. do I tell my employer about my situation and my feelings?

 

  • Offline

    Hi,

    I am so sorry to read your post. My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer in October and I am all too familiar with the pain you are feeling. 
     

    I tried to continue working and it was actually a colleague that made me stop and question myself. Her mother had passed away from cancer and she had continued working throughout. Her advice was to do what I thought was right for me but cautioned that it is hard to lose someone you love, and even harder to live with regret. Those words cut deep! work will always be there. I have the rest of my life at work. I knew I had to take time off and spend as much time as physically possible with my Dad. 3 months later and I still feel my dad is my priority.  Another friend worked throughout her mother's illness and has no regrets as she valued the distraction and structure it offered her. You will come to the decision that feels right for you. My employer offered for me to reduce my contracted hours or change to a less intense role but I declined. Could this be a viable option?
     

    Lots of luck. I hope your Mum is home soon xx

  • Offline

    Hi Peter, 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. My mum has a very similar prognosis with liver cancer. 2 weeks ago the Macmillan nurse told me "it's time to get off work and rally the troops". 
     

    I'm only 34 however all my friends and family who have already lost a parent told me to go off work now as I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't. So that's what I've done. It's given me the flexibility to be with her much as possible and still get some good days ... but also have some "normal" time when I'm at home. 
     

    there is no right or wrong answer here though. 
     

    take care of yourself 
     

    Hopefully your employer is as understanding as mine. 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.