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Dad dying with cancer finding it hard to cope

baileyandgerard
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Well to begin with my dad is now dying with cancer slowly spreading through his whole body,after mum died nearly 6 years ago he has never been the same,i only got to know that he had cancer around 4 weeks ago,i personally think he has tried not to tell me as he knows that mums passing haunts me on a daily basis.I do respect him fully for that.

2 weeks ago he collapsed in my arms he was taken into hospital and how wrong it could have been nurses have told us absolutely nothing dad has been keeping us informed just beyond ridiculous now he is in a hospice and as every day goes by he seems to be getting worse,i just want answers from the doctors of which im not getting,im trying to stay brave for my paartner and my daughter but honestly its getting very hard to keep composure now,do i just let my feelings out would i be better doing that rather than bottling it up now.

My head is in such a mess with it all,just dont know where to turn,i do know one thing i love my dad and will miss him,i know his cancer is not treatable i will have to face the inevitable one day very soon.

Hopefully someone out there can even just talk with me even on this forum,it would mean the world to me.

Maybe one day someone will find a cure for this awful soul destroying disease.

Gerard.

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    Hi Gerard

    I only joined this forum yesterday although I have visited every day for over 2 months, and something I have seen is that there are always people ready to listen and chat. My mum died suddenly 8 years ago this month and dad passed away last weekend after only weeks of being diagnosed, it hits you like a lorry doesn't it and we found the first couple of weeks there was no info and no appointments you feel numb and don't know what to do, I'm in my forties so not young but I cried a lot when we found out he had cancer, I cried for him, I cried for me, I cried for my children and the situation in general, he had spent months not going anywhere because of covid so I feel like his last year of life was spent at home not really living a good life.  Since he has passed I haven't cried much yet I'm still numb, you need to do what is good for you I know you are holding it together for your family, but perhaps when you are alone even if that means going out to the shop parking up somewhere and having a shout, scream and cry try and get it out.  I hope you find the strength to carry on supporting your dad, but remember to take time for yourself x

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    Hi there

    I feel everything you feel.  I live on my own and both my parents were diagnosed last year in March just as covid was starting (both in their early 80's).  My mum has since passed away.  My dad has weeks left in him as the Dr's have told him there is nothing more they can do for him except manage his pain.  He is existing.  He is no longer living a life.  I hate that he is in so much pain and I cant help.  I cant visit him.  He lives in Cyprus. When I call him, he tries to sound upbeat but that voice soon changes as I speak to him.  He is very confused.  He sleeps most of the time and he hates that he cant do anything.  I hate knowing that he is suffering and just want him to let go and die a peaceful death.  My heart is breaking writing this.  I am trying to be strong and stay focussed and my Chapman pride helps me through but I am an empath and feel sorry for the lady who is looking after my dad and having to watch him fade away.  I know when the time comes I will have to contact all the people I spoke to in August when my mum passed away (I didnt get to her in time - she passed the day before knowing that I was coming and that I would be there to look after my dad).  I will arrange the funeral from here and when I am allowed to go to Cyprus I will then be able to go and pay my respects. 

     

    What I do know though is that its okay to cry.  Its okay not to be strong all the time.  So take time for yourself and start the grieving process now.  We have to go through the loss cycle and it takes some longer than others.  We all do it at our own pace so be kind to yourself.  Take care

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