Hi KiaraHoney

I have read some heartbreaking stories on these forums and when I read yours- we sadly are in very similar situations. My dads nightmare started at the beginning of November with diagnosis of advanced pancreatic cancer spread to his liver. He has been out of hospital for a month now - having been refused chemo as he wasnt strong enough. I was gutted that he wasnt able to have a choice - in my head that immediately reduced his life expectancy.  He is still with us......just...... but has deteriorated significantly in the last 2 weeks from laughing and  joking using a walking stick as a "prop" to barely being able to stand and walk with a frame. In the last couple of days he has been in bed all the time - hardly eating and drinking. My dad is ready to go now and I dont want him suffering anymore. He has no quality of life.

The oncologist advised that he should make it to the end of the year - so he was right about that. My dads prognosis was short months/ long weeks which I guess is the same as you.

You have had no time to get your head round this- and you have already been on a rollercoaster with your dad being readmitted to hospital. It must be extra stressful given  the covid situation too.  You must have found it particularly hard as it is christmas/ new year which should be a time of celebration.  

I am sorry but I have no answers for you but just want you to know that you are not alone. 

Xx

Hi,

Thank you so much for your reply and I'm sorry to hear that you are travelling the same journey as us.

 I agree the Covid situation has not made it at all easy but the hospital have been really good and allowed us up to 2 visitors.  My sisters are doing the bulk of time visiting which I am glad that he isnt alone (they are there now) but I would like to go to visit for more time. Unfortunately I am a single parent to a 12 year old and he isnt allowed in, so that's making it tricky but I managed an hour today switching him over between my sisters as he waited downstairs for me. It's not ideal and we are trying to find a better way. 

My dad has not been eating for a few days now. He has been a diabetic for quite a few years before this and they are finding the pancreatic cancer is throwing his blood sugar all over the place. He was 3x over today. 

I feel like they are fire fighting with dad too. Treating the symptoms to make it easier but they have now decided if no improvement on the antibiotic they will remove meds and allow Dad to go naturally as to keep trying is not fair in him.

I agree there is a point in time where the quality of life goes and that is so hard to see. I think we are almost there with my dad. The only thing which is confusing is Dads ecg was good, so even though there were times when his heart looked to be stopping today there does not appear to be a problem. This is good as they have already decided on DNR. (A decision my dad wasnt happy with last week but think he's ready now to be honest)

I send you massive hugs back as your Dad seems to be at a very similar stage. They do locate it so very late on. Its such a sneaky cancer. My Dad would have been 80 next year. How old is yours? 

X

Hi, 

after what we believed was successful removal of the pancreas, my dad was diagnosed with secondary liver after a spell in hospital with sepsis. 

We where never given a prognosis... at any point.  He was in hospital for a week, then came home and died a week later.  Really came out of the blue for me, as he was really chatty the week before. 

Signs I spotted... hospital bending the rules for visits... confusion, then increased sleepiness.  

My friend who went through the pain of losing a parent to cancer told me, when they go into the constant sleep... they can still hear you.  It's true... my dad gave signs he could hear. 

Feels wrong 'cause they are dieing , but take pictures, films on your phone.   You'll find great comfort in hearing their voice and what they looked like right now.. not when they where 20. 
 

take care! X
 

Hi,

Thank you so much for your reply and I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. 

We have definately seen the increase in sleeping and confusion, although this appears to be intermingled with lucid moments. I thought he was sleeping when I first arrived but started talking away to him even though I didnt know he could hear me. He must have been either awake or hearing me in his sleep. He suddenly opened his eyes and responded to the conversation.. and the hospital have definately relaxed the rules about visiting. 

We showed him video clips of my son blowing his candles out for his birthday yesterday and other bits but yes I so wished I had been able to catch and hold onto the moment that he squeezed my hands as I'd let him know I'd told his brothers who live away from we are. 

I so wish I could have been there more but I had to go and relieve my sister who was looking after my son. 

I'm trying to organise a better system for looking after my boy until he returns to school. 

My dad is apparently bleeding inside his back passage so is on Vitamin K. They are giving him stronger antibiotics as he is still struggling to fight the infections he has. They have said they will give him 24 hours further to see how he gets on with this change of meds. I wait to see what tomorrow brings. 

Massive hugs to you and your family x

Hi

The situation is so so hard. 

My dad has just turned 81 and started feeling poorly in october. He had an amazing summer doing what he loved to do. 

I have moved into dads and now his full time carer and going to look after him at home as long as I can to keep him comfortable. I have agreed with dad that  we will move him to the hospice if and when the time is right for him.

Thankyou for the tip regarding being able to hear whilst asleep. I think I am now going to spend more time in my dads room holding his hand and talking to him rather than zonked out on the sofa! 

You sound like you have your hands full juggling care for your son and being able to spend precious time with your dad. Your son will get you through this - he is your future and I hope you both will be able to remember wonderful moments that he shared with grandad as you go forward in this journey of life.  Maybe the only consolation with all of this is that your dear dad wont be suffering for much longer. That is the only way I can handle this at the moment. It breaks my heart to watch my dad go through this and feel so helpless. I am fortunate that I have a loving family - husband and older teenagers and fantastic friends who will scoop me up when this chapter comes to a close.  I hope your family and friends will do the same.

Sending strength and love xx

Hi, 

Just wanted to say thank you for all your replies.  I am devastated to say that my dad lost his battle this morning. 

I wish you all the very best and send you massive hugs xxx

KiaraHoney

i am so so sad to hear your news. There is nothing I can say which will take your hurt away. The one and only consolation is that you do not need to watch your dear dad suffer any more. 
Sending you massive hugs and hope you and your son will be surrounded by love and support from family and friends. 
Please do privately message me if you would like to chat away from this forum. 
Take care xxx