Would appreciate if someone could give me some info here, thank you! 
 

so my dad passed away in August after a 3 year battle with prostate cancer, it was very aggressive and he was only 56. The dying process was very long and he was on a downward spiral for a total of 8 months. I'm still trying to get my head around losing my best friend, it was awful watching him so sick. 
 

it did occur to me and my mum however that our district nurses (not the Macmillan ones, they were great) seemed almost clueless or chose to never give us answers. An example was the day before my dads passing, he threw up this brown liquid and when we questioned what it was the nurses shrugged us off saying we don't know, it's possibly fecal. When it wasn't at all.(it didn't even have a slight smell) Not that I'm here to rant, just showing an example of the information we were given. 
 

gladly, he passed at home and spent the majority of those 8 months at home too. I just have so many questions and thoughts I'd like to share and would love for someone to just read. When my dad began struggling to eat all together, he had a funny taste in his mouth and had already been vomiting around 3-7 times a day weather he ate or not. The nurses responded by giving him lots of medication, the Macmillan nurses found out about this a week later and decided he needed dosing down. He'd spent that entire week asleep and when he woke up occasionally, had no idea what day or time it was. When his medication was decreased he woke up a totally different person. He had the wide-eyed stare that I'll never forget, his voice became really weak and strained and mostly, he completely lost his personality. It was all gone. He wasn't him anymore. He remained this way for a total of around 2 1/2 months before actually passing. Prior to this he was put on steroids and was just like my dad again, it was amazing. Why could they not have just kept him on them? Even if they were bad for him it didn't matter, he was dying anyway. 
 

all we knew is that when he was administered the heavier dose of drugs, he woke up a different person and I can't help wondering why? I'm glad his consciousness was sort of gone because he'd ditatched himself from his kids, he only ever wanted my mum now and that's because she did 90% of his care until the final week. But I just wondered if it had something to do with those drugs. 
 

watching him get this way traumatised me and I'm still not over it. I dream most nights about him coming back to us healthy and young only to get sicker and be reminded he's dying again. 
 

Also, does anyone know what that brown fluid would've been? As far as we knew he had prostate cancer that spread to the bladder, pelvic bone (leaving him unable to walk), nearby lymph nodes and apparently one somewhere near the digestive system somewhere sorry I can't remember where. (He wasn't scanned for around 9 months, his last scan showed chemo had stabilised the growth!) He first coughed up the fluid 2 days before he died, just like a phlegm consistency and then he projectile vomited it up the day before and as he took his last breath, lots of it poured out of his mouth. It's honestly awful thinking back I just have so many questions.

im also from the U.K. so can't help wondering if his life would've gone on longer if money wasn't prioritised over his need for better treatment (NHS). He was a great man who deserved so much more. 
 

we even had to beg them to test the ability of his kidney function because they didn't want to remove the bag attached to him a year after diagnosis. When they finally allowed his appointment they saw that chemotherapy had made his kidneys fully functional. I'll never forget the way he was treated by our local hospital. He was constantly neglected- especially when he was in agony. One nurse even snapped at my mum for asking why her husband had been left in a corridor with no assurance or pain medication when he was rolling around in agony shouting out. She claimed she had just got on shift so he should wait. 

he was never offered anything we always had to moan to them. 
 

sorry this was a long one I just have so many questions and thoughts. I hope someone gets chance to read this. I'm only 22 and lost the closest person to me, it was the first time I've ever lost anybody too. Thank you for reading