Hi Sarah, 

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this, life can be extremely challenging sometimes! 
 

I am by no means an expert in this area. But last summer I helped my mother and grandmother nurse my grandad as he was dying from mestatic bladder cancer; and this year I have had to seek lots of advice from work regarding my dads current stage 4 terminal diagnosis so I will try and help where I can! 

What I have gathered through my experiences is that if your work place will not allow you the time off, a doctors note signing you off due to stress/mental health is an option and that your work place cannot sanction or dismiss you for this. After discussions with my HR department I believe it is considered unfair dismissal if they try and dismiss you when you have a valid doctors note - after all as we know mental health is just as important as physical.
 

Your workplace's stance seems less than ideal and not all understanding, it must be very hard. But what I do know from my previous and current experiences is that you will not regret making the decision to be there for your family at this point, regardless of what that looks like work wise. Wishing you all the best, be kind to yourself. 
 

Feel free to reach out if you want any advice or just a chat or vent.
 

Best, 

Harmony 

I am in the same situation but lucky to have a supportive workplace. Legally I do not think they "have" to allow you to have time off but I would check this out with Citizens Advice and see what they say. If this fails, please reach out to me, I work in a role closely related to HR and can probably assist with help if I dig deep enough.

If they don't then they are not the empathetic humans we try to associate our society with and another company will eventually deserve your loyalty.

Here if you need anything xx

Hi Harmony,

Thankyou for taking the time to reply. I'm extremely sorry to hear your going through this for the second time. It really is horrible watching someone you love go through this.
 

I definitely agree that being there for my mum comes before work. I will be contacting my doctors for an appointment tomorrow in hope they will give me a sick note. Unfortunately I work for a small company which means when I'm off there's nobody to cover my workload. However, some things are just more important than work and I would never forgive myself if I never got some time with my mum before the worst happens. 

I hope your okay and keeping strong for your dad. If you ever need someone to talk to il be here!

Hi Faye,

I'm so sorry to hear your in a similar situation. Thankyou so much for reaching out and giving me some advice!

I agree with what your saying and I have now come to the conclusion that I will be doing whatever I can to spend time with my mum no matter what work say. I will be speaking to my GP tomorrow hopefully to sort something out. There's always other jobs but you only get 1 mum.

hope your keeping well under the circumstances x

Hi Sarah,

My amazing dad was diagnosed with cancer back in October and passed away two weeks after diagnosis. 
 

My advise is to get signed off by your doctor. I'm a community nurse and so work was and still is incredibly busy but my main priority was to look after my dad. I ended up being signed off for two months as I couldn't focus on anything pre and post my dad passing away.

Take time out of work and look after you mum, you need time with her to make memories and to focus on her without having to think of work.

I hope you are being well supported.

Take care xx

Hi Sarah,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, seeing her health deteriorating so quickly must be so so hard. It's so unhelpful of your work not to allow you the time off but you can absolutely ask your GP for a sick note and get signed off with carers burden/stress. This is very common and people take time off for a lot less. I don't know exactly what the care situation is but caring for a family member who is terminally ill is a huge undertaking and it's so important to look after yourself. As well, just being with her, by her side will be so important to her, and for you.

My Mum died in July this year and I needed to work part time to look after her with my Mum from March to July. I couldn't have worked full time with the level of care my Mum needed day and night. Everyone's situation is different but I also found working some of the time helpful, just  to have my head somewhere else some of the time. But there were weeks where I had to have days off sick to look after myself and catch up on rest and sleep. I also used special leave (compassionate leave/carer's leave) which allowed me 12 days off but I had to be quite upfront and assertive to get this. I would definitely recommend checking your company's leave policy if they have one to see what leave you seen intitled to take. 

All the best with this, Sarah and thinking of you and your Mum xx

Hi Sarah, 

I'm so sorry for the delayed reply - have been a bit MIA trying to process things. 

How are you doing/ how are things going? (Feels a hard question given our circumstances).

Would be nice to connect soon. 
 

All the best,

Harmony

x

Hi Harmony,

Don't worry life has been manic for everyone! Especially people in this group.

My mum passed away 4 weeks ago now. Thankfully I managed to get the time off work pretty much from when I wrote the oringal post to when she passed so I'm greatful I got that time with her. 
 

Although I am glad I was there I can't seem to get the images out of my head from her last few days which she was really poorly. It's also feels weird how you have to get back to 'normal' life even though nothing is normal at all. 
 

How are things for you? How are you feeling? I will add you add a friend so we can connect more if that's okay.

sending love,

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

My mum had been rediagnosed in July last year with Metastatic breast cancer incurable and I was off work as I am a TA. 

Upon starting back in September I had told work my current situation with my mum & they were understanding. 

By the October my mum took a turn for the worst as hormonal tablets weren't working & she couldn't fight off infections. They had told us to gather any family as it was a matter of hours. She made it through the night & next day we fast tracked her home where she was given 2 wks as the infections were shutting everything down. 

My work told me to stay with my family & produce sick notes, which is what I did for 4 months. (My mum fought & fought each time she was given a matter of hrs, wks etc) 

You can produce sick notes & they can't do anything to you. They can get HR involved but they will be so supportive in your current situation. 

Take care of you as its a roller coaster of emotions & make sure you get some head space yourself.