Hi Micky, I am so sorry to hear about your mum and how hard it has been for you. My husband was diagnosed last July with Lung cancer, unfortunately he passed away after 7 weeks. My son was also diagnosed with a very rare form of sarcoma of the upper jaw bone. Unfortunately his cancer returned during the first lock down, we were told in August 2020 it was terminal. I am caring for him at home, I have been allowed with him on hospital visits but not allowed to visit when he was admitted to oncology. We have the help and care of our hospice and have been able to keep him at home. I don't know how long but hope we get through Christmas. It's so unfair and hard when you can't see your mum, I hope you can see her soon. Cancer is unpredictable, I wish you and your family all the best. 

When you say advanced do you mean it had metastasized? (It's incurable?) Everything I'm about say refers to it having metastasized.

It varies from person to person.

On the face of it, when my mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 she only ever stayed in hospital once and that was the 2 weeks before she died. Other than that she had been bopping along living her life. 

She died in May 2019, but when we look back on it, there were signs in December 2018 and she had been keeping some other stuff quiet. Her treatment cycle ended January 2019 and she was on a break before a new treatment but even then, like I said, there was already deterioration. Treatment becomes less effective the longer you do it, and the amount of treatments you have. It also depends on the type of treatment. Hormone tablets are best, chemo is the strongest and saved for last in the arsenal. 

She lived with her diagnosis for 4 years, we knew someone else that lived 6 weeks and another nearly 10 years and still going. It depends on the overall toll the cancer is having on the body. So there isn't a one size fits all. It may be that this is your mum's journey. 

I hope she gets her second wind and proves the doctors wrong. If not, my thoughts are with you because yeah. Cancer is unholy balls. 

So sorry to hear you are going through this for a second time in such close proximity. I can only imagine how difficult that is and has been. I hope you get to have a lovely Christmas and have all the support to help you.

Thank you for your kind words during what is obviously a very difficult time for yourself.

Take Care and likewise I wish you and your family all the best

Mick

Hi Thankyou for your reply

Yes it has metastasised to several sites lungs, liver, bones, skull and brain and is untreatable unfortunately. My mum has always been the type to keep things to herself and hide things unfortunately in relation to her health as she has always been petrified of anything medical and hid her lumps for many years the consultant wreckons. The GP had to recheck records as she hadn't been for over 20 years. The only reason I found out and took her to hospital was because her arm had swollen so much due to clots. She was trying to cover up with cardigans, coats ect. Unfortunately the consultant advised it probably would have been quite easily treatable if she had visited on first noticing the lumps. Even after several discussions in relation to being open about any new symptoms I think she still kept a lot to herself. I was going to her appointments until Covid and all was fine in January and medication was keeping it at bay. 

I'm so sorry for your mum that her fear is so terrible and it's had such terrible consequences. 

From what I understand, once cancer reaches the brain and breaks the brain/blood barrier, there can be treatment options depending on the health of the patient, the extent of the mets, and their ability to sustain the procedure (Cyberknife is concentrated radiation, etc.) but it tends to be a waiting game. Once it entered my mum's brain, it was the beginning of the end because her body just sort of gave up. But again, that was her journey. Your mum's journey could be different. She may find some reserve, you don't know. 

But if her doctors are saying what they're saying, they know what they're talking about, as much as I loathe to say it. Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst. I wish I could offer more hopeful help. 

Hi Ashlynn

Spunds similar to my mum. Approximately 2 months ago Mam started to get a bit confused and a bit of pain in her left hand side. Called GP treated her for water infection although her water works were clear. Since then It was deterioration on a daily basis until she pretty much stopped eating and her mobility declined to the point were within 2 weeks she was walking to the shops daily to being unable to get off her chair prior to her going into hospital. I'm guessing once the cancer had reached her brain her body has sort of gave up. 
Thank you for taking the time to reply 

Mick

Can't believe the same night as I wrote this at approximately 23:30 hours my mam passed away. I got a call to say her condition had deteriorated rapidly and to get to hospital. I got to hospital about 5 minutes too late unfortunately I wasn't there to hold her hand however she did look at peace. I know this was the right time and is some strange way a blessing as her next move would of been to a nursing home for 24 hour care. It still hurts like mad though and not been there through her final weeks has been unbelievably tough. 

I just saw your post Micky and wanted to offer you my heartfelt condolences for your loss.

I can't even begin to imagine how tough this journey has been for you, especially during the pandemic, but we're here for you and sending all our strength and support your way.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator