Hi there
I am sorry to rant and moan but after being strong and getting all the practical stuff done, cards and final messages even sorted out that I die in hospiit tal and not home so not to course additional upset with undertakers ect and not wanting to emotional burden my kids and my husband who cannot cope, I am feeling a bit sick, over whelmed totally sorry for myself. I am now lying alone in my Primrose bed(care is lovely nothing they are at fault with), no visitors due to Covid trying to get my head around not making it to my 44th Birthday in 3 weeks due to this aggressive very rare Lung cancer that's invaded every major organ. Hoped to make it to Christmas as its only been 8 months since diagnosis, fought it all the way but there is nothing else they can do. I never smoked and was fairly healthy, loved walking my dogs and gardening why me????? What have I ever done we as a family were just coming to that go on holiday enjoying life time and then wham it's like a sick joke. I feel like my whole life was a joke what was the point of anything, yes 2 lovely kids but there suffering isn't worth my 43 years and watching there mom die my god what is that going to do to them. I haven't seen anything, gone anywhere or experienced anything, couldn't even do a thing on my bucket list because of Covid. I am totally lost cannot even cry just lying down slowly suffercating.
Just so scared
Jenny
