I am not really sure what I want to ask but just need to get a few things of my chest. All I know is that 4 weeks ago my amazing, beautiful mum, my best friend, who is in her 70s was still working and now she is in hospital not able to walk because she is in excruciating pain, having received the devastating news last week that she has bladder cancer which has spread to her bones, liver and lungs and cannot be cured. Since going in to hospital she has had very bad delirium which is causing her to say things that she wouldn’t normally say, she is petrified of being in hospital, she calls me and my family every night crying saying she just wants to come home and that we do not love her because we can’t bring her home, she is hallucinating and says awful things that she would never have dreamed of saying. Half the time she doesn’t know where she is or how long she’s been there. We have not been told how long she has left to live but they are putting together a care package this week. I just do not want my mums last memories of her thinking her family don’t love her, because right now she thinks we are all against her and not helping her. I do not want mine and my family’s last memories of my mum like this. It’s really affecting our mental health, we cannot even think about the cancer because the delirium is taking over.

I am broken, I cannot imagine not having my mum around, I used to speak to her every day and would see her most days and now I only see her for an hour in the hospital and the calls I receive are just not from my mum. 

I am trying to be strong for my children and family but I feel numb, I feel like I’m not with it, then I feel like a wave comes crashing over me causing me to cry uncontrollably and I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack.

Has anyone else experienced this, will I ever remember my mum as she was or am I just going to remember her like this? 

Thank you for reading my post and sorry to anyone who has ever been affected by this awful disease, my heart goes out to you.