Hi there ...

Oh hunny ... yes it's normal ... your head says you should be there ... your heart can't handle the overwhelming pain ... your not alone... many have been where you are now ... yes you want to be there .. to see her as she was .. to talk , laugh , and do things you two should be doing right now ...

Cancer has no empathy .. it doesn't care and the more heartbrake it brings to everyone, the stronger it feels ... that is your old mum in there .. deep inside ... the mum that held you as a baby and watched you grow ... she will love you no matter what you do, weather you hold her hand or stay in that other room ..

How do I know this ... coz I'm a mum with cancer ... I have two sons .. one that holds my hand and one that "stays out of my journey" and I love them both equally ... and the one that isn't right here ... well I'll forever love him unconditionally... as I'm sure you mum will do you ...

We all do what we can do ... I lost my sister to dementure a few months ago, and felt just like you ... I wanted my old caring well sister back .. not the shell that layed helpless on the bed ... but I kept saying over and over .. she's still in there somewhere ... so you be kind to your heart ... whatever you decide ... it doesn't change how you love mum, and her you ..  sometimes our hearts try to protect us ... know your only human... even super woman cracks sometimes ...

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie  

This was very comforting to read. She passed away this morning peacefully - I couldn't bring myself to be in the room although I did say good morning and I love you this morning, and she said it back which is what I will remember forever. Thank you for your kind words ️