Cancer Research UK main site

Terminal colon cancer

Mb123
Offline

This is my first time ever joining a forum but I'm struggling and need any support I can find.3 days ago my beautiful mother was taken into hospital with severe abdominal pains and had an emergency op for what we all thought was a perforated bowel.Whilst with the paramedic she suffered a stroke so they couldn't treat the stroke as she needed an op for the perforation. A few hours after the major op we were told that it wasn't that and that they had found a huge tumour that had completely blocked her bowel and that basically there was nothing they could do.We were then told to expect to loose her in a matter of hours.My Mam is still holding on but has suffered brain damaged due to the stroke so it's as though wev already lost her.We are just waiting for the call to let us know she's passed in the night.Im just so angry that she's had tests and scans and none have shown this horrible sickness up before.Any help or advice on how to cope right now would be greatly appreciated as we feel that we have been robbed of a mother,a wife,a gran and a sister.With so many plans made and loosing my best friend I just don't know how I'm going to cope

  • Offline

    Hello. 

     

    I have just joined this forum in order to reply to you as I wanted to offer you my support and best wishes. We have just found out that my wonderful Mum has been diagnosed with a similar situation but with secondaries on the Liver. We are all so upset. I really feel that all the focus on this stupid COVID 19 virus has meant people like our mothers have been missed as doctors aren’t seeing people. This CV19 situation has resulted in a much higher death role than the numbers they publish. The knock on effects for people mid treatment etc. 

     

    Im sorry that your mum is not well and although I’m not an expert to offer medical advice, I just wanted to pass on my love and best wishes to you and your family at this very difficult time. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to GM1975

    I'm so sorry that we have this awful thing in common.I totally agree,this situation with the covid has robbed us of precious time with her as we all took the lock down serious and stuck to it.Im kinda thinking now what was the point,we should have just gone to see her and crammed in every moment we could have with her. I am not a religious person but I will pray for your mother and you all.I wish there was something I could say to make it all better ️ I really hope your mam makes a recovery xxx

  • Offline in reply to Mb123

    This is so wierd. My mother had a stomach ache on Friday and on Saturday it was worse and she was taken to hospital. That night the doctor said that she had a obstruction in her large bowel and they would keep her in to clear the obstruction. I wasn't concerned as I know elderly people sometimes get blocked up. On the Sunday, I spoke to a nurse who said they had put a tube up her nose to empty her stomach and ease the pains. Later a Doctor called and said that she had an obstruction in her large bowel, lesions on her liver and possibly her lung and also the soft bowel was affected. The shock was awful, my chest hurt so much I thought I might have a heart attack, he discussed giving her a stoma and asked my opinion, I just said I needed a few moments and he offered to call back. But, then I thought I need to see my mum and he checked it would be ok and off I went. My mum has dementia but she was quite with it when I arrived and also looked 10 times better. We discussed the stoma and she agreed to having the op, the Doctor came in and she refused all treatment saying it was wrong to waste money on her when others needed it. I spoke to another doctor who said there could be a better option which he is going to look into.  But, from what they are saying is that it will all be over soon but I cannot pin them down to any time frame, then when I got home, the physio phoned asking what equipment we had at home for her return, when I asked if the physion knew when she was coming home, she replied that her call was just routine. I feel like I have been through the wringer given hope, hope dashed, given hope, it's flipping awful. But at least I was able to see her briefly. I hope you both have that opportunity, best wishes and don't forget to take care of yourselves.

  • Offline

    The waiting is the hardest part.

    You will get through this but it will not be easy, and when your beautiful mum has gone, there will be happy days and sad days, ridiculous arguments and upsets but as time passes it does become more bearable.

    Celebrate your mum's life and how lucky you have been to have her this long. Cry and hug, never bottle up your feelings, as this will make you ill.

    I still talk to photo's of my Dad who passed many years ago, I also find that writing down how I feel or what I would have liked to say helps, it doesn't work for everyone, and I still miss him and cry but not so often. I placed notes in his coffin, so he had something to read on the journey along with photo's of our family. My brother put a notebook and pencil as Dad was always making notes.

    In time you will be able to talk about your mum without tears, laugh at things and say 'Mum would have liked that one', or see a nice top and think how mum would have liked it.  Her presence will always be around you and sometimes you will forget she has gone. 

    Don't be hard on yourself, it all the grieving process and it does happen in stages, stay safe and look after yourself. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Take care x

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.