Hi all,

I suppose I’m looking for advice or any encouraging or supportive words. I haven't really told anyone about this and I'm feeling quite alone.

I probably need to outline my situation to give context, so here goes.

When I was in my teens I moved with my parents to an old farm house and I did what I could to help renovate and maintain the place but it always felt like a losing battle and that they’d taken on more than they could handle particularly because they had such trouble getting builders in to do anything. It was my mum’s dream to have a smallholding, but when the scale of upkeep needed became apparent it never happened.

During my time living with them my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer (This was about 8 years ago). He first had radiotherapy and when that wasn’t successful he had surgery to remove it. He was given the all clear 7 years ago.

My dad had quite a successful electronics business before we moved there and managed to retire early. He’s always had a very sedentary lifestyle and I was really hoping that this would give him a new lease of life, but he just seems content pottering around the house and going out very little. I think part of the reason for him being so inactive is his hypochondria (He’s always complained about his various ailments, mostly hayever). He spent a lot of time sleeping. I suppose this could be depression, but he never let on anything. It seemed quite normal for him in our house.

Since I moved out I’ve noticed the house looking more and more dilapidated, but I don’t feel that’s entirely the fault of theirs. They just can’t cope. I visit every fortnight at the weekends and try and do odd jobs for them, but what I want most of all is for them to move somewhere more manageable.

Earlier this year my dad had another PSA test and it seems like the cancer has come back and this time there isn’t really anything they can do. He’s refused to have any more tests and we have no idea how much time he has left. Recently he’s only been awake for meals and spends the rest of the time in bed. On top of this he’s started getting forgetful and sometimes says odd things.

I’m getting ready for the fact that I’m going to lose him soon, but I’m also worried for my mum being left with so much to sort out. She’s a strong person but I don’t know how well she’s holding together. I wish I could do more and I feel guilty not being there. I'm feeling more and more hopeless as time goes on.

Sorry for the wall of text. (And my life story! :wink: )

Thanks in advance for any responses.

Chris

edit:typo