Hi,

Im so sorry to hear this. Stage 4 is when the cancer has spread to other places so is quite a late diagnosis. If they have told you two months its obviously not good. My dad was given two months to live and went on to live for 8 months BUT it was 8 months of suffering and not pleasant. I think if this is the diagnosis then your main concern has to be pain relief and keeping your dad as comfortable as possible. Its such a sad situation and Im sorry I cant give you the hope you want. We have all been through this here and its important we are honest. 

Hopefully someone else will be along soon with their own experience of it which might be more helpful but its heart breaking and such a shock, I honestly feel for you. 

Take care

MiGi. XXXXXX

Hi Gunning7. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis. Unfortunately, my dad had a similar fate. We had no idea of his illness as he had no symptoms. We were at the hospital for a separate issue when doctors discovered a 7cm tumor in his right lung. He was diagnosed with stage 4 non small cell lung cancer (despite being a non-smoker). We were told that with an aggressive treatment, he would have about 9mos. to a year but without treatment, he would have only a few months to live. We chose quality over quantity. In other words, we wanted dad to have a decent few months as opposed to a long and agonizing year of suffering through "treatment". As a result, we were urged to enroll him in hospice, and we reluctantly did so. Even his hospice nurses couldn't believe that he was in hospice as he was still strong and independent. But it was a quick deterioration. Dad stopped eating and drinking, and he became extremely dehydrated. He was admitted to the hospital where he spent 30 days then released with home hospice and was bedridden for another 30 days before passing away. From diagnosis to death was only 17 weeks (4 months).

My advice to you is be sure to have a medical power of attorney (whether you or your mom) in the event that your dad may become non-verbal and you must make decisions on his behalf (in his best interest). More importantly, be strong for your dad and family, and have faith. Make peace with the worst case scenario then reassure your dad that everything will be okay. Pray for and with him. Take many pictures and videos. Do not leave anything unsaid. Forgive and love. I wish you and your family the best. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions. 

Hi [@rebvelaz83]‍ , I know this post was a response to another person, but I just wanted to say how helpful I've just found your final paragraph. My lovely dad has a few weeks left - we only just found out and are utterly, uterly devastated. I'm desperate to know the 'right' things to do so I don't regret anything, and your advice seems so sound. Thank you x

Hello @skylucy. I'm so sorry to hear about your lovely dad. I'm glad that you found my post helpful. I could've elaborated more but definitely ensure that legalities are in order. Also, I know this might be a difficult conversation but you might want to ask dad for his final wishes (whether burial or cremation) to avoid any potential conflict with other family members after the fact. Hopefully your dad is already enrolled in hospice as they are key to keeping dad comfortable. My dad passed peacefully at home surrounded by my mom (his wife of 60 years), his kids and grandkids. Everyone is different but it wasn't as bad as one might imagine.  I think that most people feel a sense of relief that their loved one is no longer in pain or suffering. In the months and weeks prior to my dad's passing, we spent time singing together, looking at family photos, etc. As he was bedridden in the last month, I played his favorite music and movies, held his hand, massaged him, brushed his teeth, wiped his face with a soft warm rag, etc. All of these things brought him comfort, and he knew he was in good hands. Most importantly, I assured my dad that I would take care of mom, and that he could "go with God" anytime he was ready. Sadly, even if we don't mean it, we have to reassure them that it's okay to let go... this way they can go in peace. Please be understanding and accepting of your dad's final wishes as only he knows how he feels so if he chooses to no longer fight, please respect that. I never cried infront of my dad because I didn't want him to be sad or afraid although I was all of those things and more. If your dad is still verbal, record video of him and be sure to capture his voice as you'll long to hear his voice one day again. For instance, ask him how he met your mom or about his childhood, or just about "the good'ol days" and record him speaking. As you know, dads are so special! Mine used to remind me that "you only get one mom and dad in this world... everyone else comes and goes". On a side note, if your dad should become bedridden, be sure to turn and reposition him every 2 hours so that he does not develop bed sores. Be sure to elevate his pressure points (such as elbows, tailbone, heels of feet) on pillows to avoid bed sores. Trust me, caring for dad in his last days was the hardest thing I ever had to do but it was an honor, and I would do it again. The night my dad passed, I dreamt of him and he said to me "I'm sorry". Not long after that night, I dreamt of him and he smiled to me and said "Thank you". It was crazy but I know that he is still with me. They never leave us. Your dad will always be with you. I wish you all the best. Please don't hesitate to reach out anytime. 

Hello Gunning7,

                       l am sorry to read your post,as someone who has been through bowel cancer with spread to the liver l have some understanding of the trauma you will be going through.The thing l picked up from your post is no mention of treatment or surgery,combined with a limited life expectancy,all pointing to spread past the point of no return.That being the case l would suggest with nothing to stop further progression the prognosis would be for well under a year.

                                                                                                                         l wish l could say different and use my case 6 years on as a possibility of hope for yourselves,but l was so fortunate to have just caught it whilst surgery was still an option.If you looked at me when l presented you would not think there was the slightest thing wrong with me,its not called the silent killer without good reason

                                                 The only advice l could offer your father is to keep stress to a minimum and do the things he needs to whilst still able,but what an ask under the current circumstances,

                        l am so very sorry,

                                                    David