My dear Teamgreen,  I am so sorry that you are going though such pain.  My thoughts are with you,  please just spend time with Mum, talking, laughing and crying.  You will not regret it I'm sure.

Many hugs.

Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... loosing our mum's is one of the hardest things we go through in life.... 

I lost my mum suddenly from a heart attack and I had no chance to even tell her I was so proud to be her daughter... or how much she'd meant to us all .. she called me one Monday morning....to arrange comming up mine the following day ... at 5.20 that Monday I got the call she'd been taken to hospital.. although I rushed there .. me and my sister were sent into a side room ..

 We were then told she'd gone ... l wanted to scream ... 

So as hard as it is for you, I'd say make every day count ... leave nothing unsaid... look at old photos.. ask her if there's anything she wants to say .. some things maybe hard to hear .. but let her know , your listening .. get dad and sibling on the same side .. while she's here with you all, make loving memories ... don't look ahead .. don't do what ifs ... every moment is a bonus ...

What I'd have given for just one day .. even one hour with my amazing wonderful mum ... and you know even sharing tears is good .. don't try to be strong ... admit your all scared .. no one should be the " the strong one" this is a time for holding each other's hand ... and helping your mum on this last journey , right there beside her ...  sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie  

Thank you both, more than you know, for your kind words and advice. I am utterly terrified by what's to come in these finals weeks, I'm equally as scared of life after mum.

I want to be with her as much as possible, to say everything there is to say and what we want to tell our mums, and I'm thankful I have the opportunity.

I'm so shocked as the intensity of fear and sadness, it stabs me in the chest every time I distract myself for a moment, and then I remember this is really happening and it's happening now. We so hoped we had a few more years together. My dear beautiful mum. Heartbroken.

Thank you both again for your kind and comforting words x

Hi, so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can totally relate to how you are feeling as I lost my dad 3 weeks ago to advanced prostrate cancer  (he was only diagnosed last July).

The best advice I can offer is to spend as much time as you can with your mum. Although it was breaking my heart watching my dad deteriorate each day I was lucky to have the opportunity to spend time with him and tell him all things I wanted to say and to thank him for everything he did for me and my 2 children. Although my dad slept a lot towards the end me and my mam would sit and chat to him and played his favourite music. We also shared happy memories looking through old photo albums together.

Sending big hugs 

I'm so sorry for your loss...

I'm currently losing my dad - he was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer feb 2019. It's not looking good and I'm struggling to accept he's losing his battle. Dad is in his early 60's and I can see the sadness in his face When he thinks about the future and what he's going to be missing. I'm pregnant with my first child and it's breaking my heart that he might never meet his grandchild. I don't know how to cope with the pain and overwhelming sadness that me and my family are going through. I pray for a miracle each day - I'm not sure how life will be without him...he's my world and I'm so scared of losing him 

Hi ...

You will never loose him .. just look in the mirror... he's right there .. you are half of him ... you can wrap him up in your heart , and carry him with you ... he will see through your eyes ...

We only truly loose them, when we move on without them .. all the time you talk about him, he'll be right there ... when you hold your baby, he'll see it ... I know my mum has looked over my boys ... we talk about her all the time, they still put her photo in their Facebook's,  30 years later ... I've made a memory book for my granddaughter,  who's just 8 .. so she can look back and read how much I loved her ... 

Make a memory book for your baby ... so one day you can sit with them, and tell them all about their grandad ... my little granddaughter says it's my mum sending her white feathers , to say hi .. even though she's never met her ... so yes it will hurt so bad .., but just imagine him right there, telling you he's there in your heart ...  sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie  

Gosh, you could almost be my sister writing this. I can imagine she is feeling exactly the same as you right now. She also has a husbund and two children. And we are experiencing a very similar situation with my mum who was diagnosed with cancer in the duo-denum three years ago. She had one round of chemo, which was too much for her. But the cancer kept small and at insignificant for a year or so before we found out back in February that it had grown and spread. She's rapidly declined in the past few days and now seems to be bed bound. In just a few days, everything has changed, she now has carers coming in three times a day, shes got a toilet in her room, tomorrow she'll get a new bed. She has a stair lift. I feel we're on the penultimate stage now and perhaps, she only has a few days. It's hard to say.

I am like you, fearful of what's next, how I'll cope without my best friend. But, I have the best chance of a wonderful life that I could have and the best chance of carrying on because of the strength my Mum has shown me. Maybe, it is the same for you?

I suggest you spend as much time as you can together. Make some memories. It's a privelege to be able to say goodbye on your terms, not a curse. Many do not have such a fortune. Whilst there will undoubtedly be many things I wish I had done with her and said that I did not get a chance to do, there has been many things I did accomplish with her, in the past few weeks and months. We baked a cake together, we lied down and laughed, we made some videos together.  and we played board games. We watched films, shared stories, emparted advice. She's had more care and been shown love in a way only dying of cancer could have achieved and for that, we say, thank you cancer. You thought we would only hate you and despise you, which is what you want. But no, you do not even get that. We took back what you tried to take from us. You cannot take our love away. 

hello

so sorry your going through this journey x my heart goes out to you and your family, but you will get through this, simply because you have to and you love your mum.. 

take each day as it comes and talk, chat & listen to your mum, when shes too tired for this ask her if she wants her favourite music on, hold her hand, still chat to her but dont ask questions.. most of all keep her comfortable and out of pain, do not be afraid to ask for help !! 

most of all, dont beat yaself up about whats happening, dont think am i doing this right, dont doubt yourself... you are strong and your love for your mum will guide you x 

everyones journey seems to be different and personal to them so just be there as much as you can be x 

L x 

I'm so sorry you are going through this I was so so close to my mum she overcome a stroke and surgery this year and she became jaundiced in end of April beginning of may she went into hospital 12th of may 2 weeks later we was told she had aggressive bile duct cancer and had 3/6 months to live I was devastated could not believe they was taking my mum away she came home from hospital 5th of June we spent just a week with her and she died Sunday 14th it was very declining and sad to watch today is her funeral and I'm so scared to say goodbye I hope you find strength and enjoy your lasting time with your mum x 

Thank you for your comments and experiences, it has given me comfort over the past few days whilst I've dealt with some of the initial emotion of hearing mums news.

ive been going to see her each day just to spend time with her and tell her how much I love her and just generally chat about things, but today's visit followed a call with a Macmillan Nurse who checks in with mum every week, and they've had a chat about giving mum the 12 hourly morphine tablets which she can then just use the liquid morphine in between as and when she feels she needs it. 
 

mum says the Macmillan nurse is a very positive person in general, probably why she's so suited to the job she's in, but when first diagnosed, she filled mum and dad with so much hope that mum could live for years with the advantaged bowel cancer and that she knows many people who have. This made the news of 3 months even harder for mum and dad, because they had been hoping and planing that they could be one of the lucky ones and get another 10 years (mum is only 64). Today she's been telling mum that just because the oncologist has said 3 months, doesn't mean it will be, the oncologist can't really say for sure, and that she's got a lady who was given 3 months who's still going strong 12 months on. This has given mum and dad hope that again, she could be one of the lucky ones. 
 

I'm in such a torn place to know whether I should be preparing for her health to decline or whether she will be able to plateau. The nurse from Macmillan has also said that she will probably start feeling better once she's on the 12 hourly dose and will be able to do a bit more.

how do you balance hope versus grief?