Hi I'm 19 and my dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer in September. They said he's only got months left and the maximum of a year. He's had chemo and radiation to give him more time with us too but it wasn't effective. 
me and my dad have had a very rocky relationship and I didn't have the greatest upbringing and I don't really know how to forgive him for it. Which makes me hate myself for it because I've grown up, not hating, but slightly disliking him for it but now that he's got cancer I'm upset that my years with him weren't as good as my younger siblings were. And I don't know what's worse. I'm worried that I'll have no support from my family when he passes because my younger siblings will probably need it the most. I'm also scared for my family because I honestly don't know how we're going to get through this my dad did almost everything for us as my mother is also unwell and I don't know how I'm going to help look after my younger siblings when I can't even look after myself now with having bad mental health issues after losing my sister and my childhood. 
my emotions have been all over the place for months and I don't know how to feel and I know it's gonna be ten times worse when he passes and I don't know how to deal with it all