Hello lovely

I'm someone who is starting to see the light at the end of my own cancer battle (treatment ends in Nov but will be on medication for 5-10years.) I'm using this coronavirus time to now and again check in on this forum to see if I can help anyone. Your post stood out for me. However, words fail me this time with your situation but I'll try.

Firstly, I am so sorry you are in this situation. If my own emotions are anything to go by in response to this awful disease, well then God knows how you are feeling!

I think the only advice I can potentially give you is to try to stay in the present (so flipping difficult I know!) Every bit of contact you have with your dad now, just treasure. I'm sure you do anyway. However, in trying to stay in the present, don't belittle your needs. Vent and cry as much as you want and don't ever feel bad for doing so. Also though try to focus of every good memory you have with your dad. Look inwards too. Your dad was put on this earth to raise a good person and I'm sure he's done that. Keep that legacy going after he passes. X

Hi Coll0042

Thanks so much for your kind and thoughful words and I'm pleased you are seeing the light at the end of your own personal journey - cancer certainly teaches us a lot.  I do take time to acknowledge my own needs but try and stay positive for everyone else.  Bathtimes are my solace where I can spend time reflecting but trying not dwell and be a "bit more like dad" - in that he is a proud Yorkshire man who has worked hard all his life - even through his illness working towards retirement.  I'm foruntate that I have work to throw myself in too as I work in the NHS (not frontline).  I will certainly treasure every bit of contact with him but that is becoming fewer and further between as he declines.  Just wish I could hug him one last time and support his wife through the days to come.

All the best

Hello again,

You are hugging him and helping his wife. They know and understand that you feel that in your heart. That's why family is so special. We rarely have to say what we feel to one another, we just know. X

Thanks - that's really comforting x

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. I wanted to say that my Uncle passed away a fortnight ago , at home , as he had decided to stop treatment for his kidney failure ...My cousin lives 3hrs from him and travelled up to be with him in his last week. Personally, if it was me , and I have been in the position with my Dad dying from cancer at home , I would make sure I was there regardless of the coronavirus situation. I don't really understand how you can be told you're not allowed to be there...if he's at home...if he is in the hospital then I understand that you have to follow their guidelines . 

Hi, I completely agree with the comments Glasgal has made - it surely cannot be a decision that can be made by anyone other than your parents and you?  Your Father is in his own home & having you there is something you have obviously discussed previously, so, in your position, I’d still go (providing that is what you all still feel is the right thing).  You can still take steps to safeguard him as much as the medical team who care for him do...

I really hope you are able to come to an arrangement that  helps you all in this heartbreaking situation.