Denied his wishes due to covid

Last week I was told my dads cancer which he had six yrs ago liver colon had returned and due to his weak heart would not be getting any treatment..

His health went downhill very fast and two days ago taken in small local hospital. Spoke to doctor and told him my dad would prefer to die at home he said this should be able to set up but today I am told it will be impossible.. They need to deliver a bed.. Why can't he die in his own bed?  They don't think they will be able to find carers as he needs 24/7 care?! I am willing to be his carer. 

I now find out he is off all meds and food and will be lucky to last the next few weeks.  He is deaf so communication is hard.. His wife has no idea yet.. Hard enough explaining covid to her just now.. Anyway.. I am upset that my dad is not able to die the way he wants too.. At home with family.. I returned from Mexico recently so self isolating.. Was going to for 14 days but its only been just over a week.. I have no idea what to do for the best.

I just called the hospital and they said no visitors until I told them I had been on NHS website which says we can visit if he is dying so she said well you'll have to come in side door and put on masks and gloves.. I don't mind that but bearing in mind my dad's deaf he relies on lip reading so that's going to be hard. 

  • Hi Annie, 

    I just wanted to welcome you to the forum but also to say how sorry I am about your dad.

    I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for the both of you but I'm glad that you're able to go and see him in the hospital. Even though you may not be able to communicate properly I'm sure he'll just be really happy to see you.

    Hopefully some of our members will offer their support and kind words to you soon but in the meantime I just wanted you to know your post has been seen and that we're thinking of you both at this testing time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Annie, so sad to read this, i have just been through the same thing. My dad died on Friday, he was in a hospice. He had gone in for pain management and wanted to die at home but had to stay at the hospice. Near the end because of where his cancer was he couldn't move at all and was in constant pain.even though he asked a few times to go home and it broke out hearts to say he couldn't, it was actually for the best. We wouldn't have been able to care for him the way they did even though we would have tried, we wouldn't have been able to keep moving him so he didn't get too sore, he was also incontinent and he would have been devastated us having to clean him. He was a very proud man. They helped him keep his dignity and pass as comfortably as possible can't praise them enough. I'm glad  for you that you can still see him. Hope he passes peacefully. Take care xx