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Finding out my dad has bowel cancer

Deb1932
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Hi all,

Cancer has struck my immediate family for the first time and I feel totally devastated. On Wednesday I found out that my dad (my best friend) has bowel cancer - stage 4. I live in the north west of Scotland and due to the circumstances of my dad living in Wales (he is 87 and still living at home and caring for my mum who is 86) I asked the consultant if he could break the news to me first over the telephone.

I plan to head to Wales (with my sisters) to tell my dad on Monday. I know that once we tell him he will most probably give up in life. The family are at a total loss on what to do because we know that once we tell him he will most probably go down hill quicker but if we don't he will struggle on trying to care for my mum.

The situation with the virus is also making this ten times harder with traveling and being near the elderly.

Any advice would be most welcomed... thanks.

Deb

 

 

 

 

  • Offline

    Hi Deb,

    I tried to post earlier but I think it didn't appear. I have recently found out about my dad too, and feel similarly helpless because i can't go and visit with the virus. I am sorry i cant give any advice, as i havent experienced this before, but I wanted to say that you are not alone. 

    Wishing you lots of strength and courage xx

  • Offline in reply to Dulcinea

    Thank you for you kind message Dulcinea.

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad too. It's makes things even harder with the virus. Wishing you all the strength too. Take great care xx

  • Offline in reply to Deb1932

    Hi Deb1932

    It is so hard. My mother is in hospital she has been there for a month now due to non Coronavirus related pneumonia back in feb they did all the tests lung checks antibiotics etc she seemed fine her lungs were clearing and the x rays were clear. Then someone spotted liver marks on her chest CT leading to the diagnosis of bowel cancer with liver spread. I was in bits when I was told this by her doc. 
    unsure of treatment still not been told if she is having chemo, radio or something else or nothing as sometimes they don't bother with the elderly (72) and just do palliative stuff ️ 
    it is making me so worried not being able to see her and I am a complete wimp when it comes to illness I'm so glad my hubby is here to help me as I'd be in an asylum without him I have mental health issues and depression. 
    My biggest fear in my life has always been Mum getting cancer and now it's happened. 

  • Offline in reply to IHateCancer1988

    Thanks for your message. So sorry to hear about your mum - it's so difficult when you can't see her. Your husband sounds like an amazing support!

    Dad's cancer has spread to his liver and lungs. I spoke to him this morning - he said he had a bad day yesterday with sickness and puts this down to his hernias. We are just trying to decide when to tell him. I fear that he will just gives up once he learns about the cancer.

    I hope you manage to see your mum soon xx

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