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I’m 23 and losing mum to advanced lung cancer

Popcorn306
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Hello,

A week ago, we found out my Mum has incurable, advanced lung cancer which has spread to the liver and bones. Yesterday we should have got her treatment plan but they haven't made a conclusion on what she can have. We met a respiratory doctor yesterday instead who says mum also has tumours on her spine. She is getting palliative care at home  starting on Thursday. Today she's been delivered an at home oxygen machine, her levels have been dangerously low at 72. Tomorrow she's having fluid drained off the lungs. Thursday, an MRI scan on her back. 

We have another week of limbo until they tell us whether or not she's strong enough for treatment and me and my sister really don't think she'll get it. She's always sleeping, struggles to walk at all, barely eats.

I'm absolutely crushed. She went from 0-1000 within two months. I live at home with my mum and dad, so I'll be caring for her part time. I work full time but luckily can work at home 3 days a week. I'm so worried about a future without my rock and not having her in my life milestones. 

If there's anyone else who's been in this position at a young age, I guess it would be good to hear some encouraging words on how you've coped. Thank you xx

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    Hello, 

    I am so sorry you are going through this. 

    I am also 23 and my dad has a rare terminal cancer called a pheochromacytoma. He's been battling this for 2 and a half years and in that time I've been a part time carer. 

    My best advice is search local 'young carer' groups, they are amazing and they can offer so much support during this time. 

    Also be as honest as you can with work about your situation, at University I was given a lot of time off to handle situations and now my current employer is also very supportive!

    Although it's hard to initially talk about things I've found it very helpful. Remember that the whole world doesn't need to be on your shoulders and asking for help is okay. 

    The unknown is hard and frustrating but pull together as a family and make every moment count. 

     

    Sending love x 

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    Hi popcorn, 

     

    Really sorry to hear about your mum and how quickly she is deteriorating. 

    It's scary how similar our situations are. I'm 22 and last month my mum was diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer which has spread to her bones, liver and lungs. My mum is also terminal and receiving palliative care. 

    My mum has refused to find out her prognosis but has thankfully been given the option of hormone therapy. She has only just started this on Monday but hoping for the best in terms of minimal side effects. 

    I'm also in a similar situation with work and I am also a part-time student. I have no advice how to cope, as I do not feel like I am, but you just really need to be there for your mum. She may make decisions that you do not agree with or understand but ultimately, it is her that has to deal with the pain and possible side effects every day. 

    Try to make the most of whatever time you have left. I'm at a point where, although work are understanding, family comes first and I am just trying to be at home and spend as much time with her as I can. 

    As I say, I don't really want to give advice but do seek support from other services. I have started counselling with a local hospice, referred through Macmillan and that is seeming to help thus far. Do not be ashamed to admit you are not coping, everyone deals with these situations differently. 

    Hoping for the best for you and your family, and if you need anything, just reply or drop me a messge x

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