Hello, I'm so sorry you are going through this.  
Your mum does sound truly wonderful and from reading the lovely things you have written about her I am positive she is already so proud of you.  
Without my mum in my life now, achievements are bitter sweet but there is a sense of I know I'm still making her proud.  
spend lots of time with her, I'm sure you are the best thing in the world for her and I'm sure whatever gruelling treatment she is undergoing, you being there will make it easier for her. When I think about my mum now my most recent memories are of her in hospital but also of us laughing at silly things while she was in hospital, reminiscing about holidays growing up and generally being in each others company not necessarily doing anything  

sending you lots of love xxxxxx

Thank you for your lovely words, they're very much appreciated at this time of need x 

It's hard to know what's right or wrong but I guess spending lots of time with one another is what I can do.

It's so draining and making me so tired, the constant thoughts rattling around my head.

I've just got to take each day, each hour maybe as it comes. Which in reality, would be a good idea for us all to do anyway...

Thank you Joby, your words and thoughts mean so much to me x

Your welcome love. Im thinking of you and hear for you if you need to chat. Take care love. Joby. Xxx

The one thing I don't get is that she's been stable for the past year or so, after receiving chemotherapy. Mum's been having scans every 3 months to keep an eye on the tumour and it shrunk, in their words 'to the point where it was barely visible'. I don't understand how all of a sudden, after her latest scan, they've found cancer else where, spread in the liver, growth of the original tumour, in the lymph nodes... How can all this happen so dramatically in 3 months? The whole point of checking it every 3 months was to avoid this situation?

Hi, 

I've been in the exact same position as you not too many weeks ago. 

My Mum died Feb 8th, I'm 30 and like you she will never see me settle with a family, bring up her potential Grand Children or even see the house I'm about to move into. It really is heart breaking, for her and for you. 

My advice would be just be with her. You won't regret anything if you know you were there as much as you possibly could be. If she's having good days and is not in too much pain, head out for a walk or for lunch and just be close. Laugh at things you can, watch all your favourite films, eat favourite foods and just appreciate her as your Mum. 

You will know when the end is coming, and you'll know how much you want to be there and probably by then what your mums wishes are. I literally sat, held her hand and told her I loved her as much as I could.  I had no regrets the morning she passed as she knew I loved her, she knew I was there as much as I could be, and she knew I would go on and make her proud. 

Yes it seems impossible to go on without her, and my god I miss my Mum so much. She was the one who held our family together, but you will find the stregnth because you'll want to make proud. 

Stay strong, don't be afraid to cry. It will be ok in the end. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. And I really appreciate you taking the time out to message me, especially when everything is so raw for you.

I think you're incredibily courageous, just by writing to me with your story and support.

I thought yesterday was the last evening, my Mum seemed fine, phyiscally and everything. It was just a feeling I had. I was wrong, so I guess it was fear talking for me.

I have an opportunity next week to go to the states for a week. It's a big career thing, that I've been fighting for, for years. My Mum is so proud, She's been pushing me and supporting me for as long as I've been breathing. To help me succeed. I really need to go, for her, because she deserves to see me succeed so much. I am scared though. I don't want to leave her. There's no saying that this is the end for her just yet. We really don't know how this will pan out. That said, if this was the end, I suppose, she avoids having to go through the suffering latter stages, which is a good thing. And it would be the most incredible way for her to go, I suppose, to see her son achieving his dreams. I need to hold on to that, as difficult as this is for me and to get on that plane will take such a huge effort. Because I will be so scared.

If you ever need to talk, I will be only to happen to listen. I don't know if this thing has private messaging or anything, but I'm for you and everyone else, as much as you've been there for me, so thank you x

Hi

I just wanted to add that my thoughts are with you at this awful time.

Speaking as a mum I would just want my children to spend time with me when they can, even if we are not doing anything, not even speaking. Just knowing they were beside me if I didn't feel well enough to do anything. Knowing they love me and them knowing they are my world and loved so very much.

My two are 15 and 20 and I am currently undergoing tests so this kind of thing has been waking me up at night and that's why I am sharing my thoughts. I shall pray for you whilst praying for my own family too.

With regards to your trip, if she knew you were thinking of not doing it I am sure she would tell you you should, maybe she already has? Because she is so immensely proud of you she would not want you to not follow your dreams. 

My son has just accepted a uni place and I am full of dread for his future depending on my outcome. I am hiding the worst of what I am going through from them both which is incredibly hard as  I am a single mum so there's no one else here for me to turn to. 

It's hard to believe or comprehend how things can change so quickly for your mum but I'm sure others would say how cancer can be so hideously unpredictable and not follow the 'usual' progression in everybody.

I hope my post makes sense, I was unsure whether to comment or not.

Sending strength and thoughts to you and your amazing mum

Andrea xx

Hi Andrea

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear of your own current battles and I will send my prayers to you as well. You're not alone, I will be thinking of you.

She has already told me I need to go and that she will be angry if I don't!

She came to me today and told me she'd been saving money for the last few weeks, in case I did end up going. Her hoping I suppose that this opportunity would come my way. I need to do this for me and for her. It's her birthday on Monday and this is probably the best gift I could get her. I know what it will mean to her, to see me achiving my dreams.

So I have to be strong.

Speaking as a son, I think yours will be incredibly proud of your achievements as a single Mum and the fact that you are doing your best to keep the worst to yourself shows what type of Mum you are. You should be immensely proud of yourself for showing such strength too x