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My mum nearly at the end of her life

Noodles1974
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Hi, my Mum has been battling cancer since 2004 she is one tough cookie but each time it comes back it comes back in a different place. She now has it in her peritoneum ( stomach lining ) and it's spread to her liver. After a long stay I'm hospital with sepsis and pneumonia she wanted to come home to pass away and not a hospice. I wanted to ask a question, I'm finding it very hard not to cry around her ( I have moved in with her) she keeps saying I just want to go. I am desperately trying to be strong but the tears keep flowing then I feel guilty as I don't want to upset her. She is so down and so sad. Do you think it's ok to cry or should I walk away when my tears start? 

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    Hello there, I cry all the time,, my husband is 61 and beeb given 6 months to live but chemo may give. Him more time. He had his first chemo on Tuesday and then we spent all night in A and E as he couldn't stop vomiting, I cried a lot. A macmillan support worker told me if you hold it in, you can make your mental well being suffer and mine is already dodgy. We have to get through this vile cruel disease the best way we can. I have screamed into cushions when my lovely husband is in bed. The sufferers always seem to deal with it better than their loved ones, my granddaughter is going through leukaemia, in remission but still going through treatment, she is 16 and deals better with it than her lived ones. You do whatever you need to do sweetie, it's your pain you deal with it, you could also ask your doctor for some support. Lots of love and hugs, we have to get through this because we have no choice. Xxxx Christine xxx

  • Offline in reply to Thebearssweetie

    Thank you so much Christine to take your time to reply to me, you are right I think they do cope with it better than their loved ones. The strength my mum has just amazes me, it's watching them suffer that breaks my heart. I keep going into the toilet to cry. I fear that by my crying in front of her will somehow make her feel guilty and I want her to be at peace. I am sorry to hear about your husband I will send all my love and thoughts that he fights it and beats it xxx Nicky 

  • Offline in reply to Noodles1974

    Hi Noodles1974,

    my Mum passed away on Wednesday evening. She had Metatastic Breast Cancer that had also spread to her Peritoneum, Liver and Bones. We only knew about it once in the Peritoneum and Liver, as it was causing bloating and back pain from all of the Ascites.  She suffered for over 2 years, and I made sure that I told her I loved her, and if feeling it, I also cried. You're not a superhero. You're a human. We cry, we get upset, we have emotion. Never feel bad to hold their hand, look them in the eye and tell them how scared you are feeling. Cry and let it out. It shows the loved one just how much you care. Forget all this nonsense of 'being strong'. They mean the world to you, so show them. You will have so many regrets if you don't! 

  • Offline in reply to Nemey82

    Thank you so much and I am thinking of you with the loss of your mum. My mum is on the last stages now and i have been unable to hold back the tears now. I am still trying to stay strong for my children who are finding it so hard to watch their Nan suffer. I just want her to be at peace now the leaving process seems so cruel. Sending my love and thoughts to you at this difficult time 

  • Offline in reply to Noodles1974

    It is still very hard as the grandchildren that are left won't grow up knowing there 'Mama'. The oldest is 6 and she is my daughter. She is the most aware of all of them, and is certainly finding it hard to come to terms with. We all are. I'm at the appointment this morning to register Mums death. Feels like a blur. I'll then need to take the certificate to the funeral directors, where mum is currently resting, and take some clothes we pulled out for her. I think this will be a very hard morning. Particularly being so close to her body but not being able to see her just yet. 
     

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